The Impossible Girl

Help, I'm Alive!

2012-02-06T22:31:00.000+02:00

Now playing: Metric - Help I'm Alive

If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart's still
Beating like a hammer

Life right now is pretty terrifying for me. Tomorrow is the first day of my last study period in my present school. Less than two months from now I'll be out of there, and I'm absolutely terrified. Mainly because after that, I've got nothing. I don't know where I want to go after school is over, and it's very frightening, actually. I don't know where I want to go study, I don't know if I want to take a gap year and if so, what will I do? Will I move abroad? Will I get a job? What? Up until now I've had my life pretty well planned in advance. Of course there was the turning point of having to choose and apply to an upper secondary school, but even then my choices were pretty clear. And I did get to the school I had hoped to get to. And so my life has followed my plan terrifically up until now. Because this, I'm afraid, is where the plan ends and life starts. And it's terrifying. And it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Right now I'm manically browsing through the websites of different schools, trying to spot even something that I would find remotely interesting. So far no luck, really. There's no school for someone who wants to be a small cluster of artsy things. Sadly. I mean sure, I could go get a training to be an artist, but what would that help, really? The things I really want to do can't be taught in an institution, but I also know that the things I really want to do won't keep me alive (at least not yet) so if I have no actual education, I might be a little screwed. Or not, who knows. But anyway. I simply have no idea what I want to do next semester. It's stressing me out big time, but I'm trying my hardest to see the bright side of this and keep calm about it. Because what I need to realise is that this is not a matter of life and death right here. If I can't come up with any school I want to apply to, I don't have to apply. It's really hard for me to accept that because I'm used to being successful when it comes to educational things, and I don't want to be a "failure". And I also feel like I'm in a great hurry to get out of school and to "real life". But the thing is, this is real life, right here. I have the rest of my life to work and work some more, I don't have to get my studies over and done with right now. I'm only 18 but I feel like I'm already late in life and that I should do and experience everything immediately right now! Which is silly! Because even though life is happening right now, I still (hopefully) have lots of it left and there is no deadline for dreams. Now if only I could comprehend that, then maybe I would be happier. And today it sort of started to sink in, when I was listening to the aforementioned song, Help I'm Alive by Metric. "I get wherever I'm going / I get whatever I need / While my blood's still flowing / And my heart's still beating like a hammer" And it's true. As long as I'm alive, I can do pretty much anything. Anyone can. As long as my heart is still beating I have the choice of doing whatever I want with my life. And I know this is typical first-world-white-female talk, easy for me to say. But I still believe that. The lyrics of that song give me great comfort. Because I'm absolutely terrified of all these changes that are about to happen. I feel like the big bad world wants to eat me alive. But if I can just try not to regret and just cling to life with tooth and claw and just go ahead and do what the hell it is that I want to do, I will end up fine. No matter how terrifying it is. My life is mine and it's mine to ruin or rescue. All I want is to end up happy. Now I just need to decide how best achieve that.

So even though right now I am browsing schools and summer jobs in frantic panic and anguish, I need to keep reminding myself that in the end this is a little thing. This won't necessarily define the rest of my life, no matter what I decide to do. I need to keep in mind that it's not "now or never". It's just a matter of living my life so that I won't end up on my death bed, regretting all the things I did or didn't do. It's a matter of following my own heart and mind and doing what feels right. Number one of my new year's resolutions was "Don't Panic" (and that song by Coldplay just started playing as I was typing this. Spooky.) and that's what I need to remember now. My life is mine, and hopefully it's not over just yet. If I can just find the right balance between living in the moment and thinking ahead, then maybe I could find the way for me.

All photos from we♥it.com

Love, Sally

10 Very Attractive Men In More Or Less Random Order

2012-02-04T01:53:00.001+02:00

Now playing: Billy Talent - Fallen Leaves

Howdy ho, you Impossible People! Sorry for my lack of blogging in January, it was just because... well heck, it was because I didn't write anything. Sorry again!

Anyway, now that it's February and I have even more things I should be doing rather than blogging, it's of course natural that I should update! Naturally! I am the queen of procrastination, after all... And since I already promised I'd write this entry, I figured I might as well do it sooner rather than later. So here goes, have 10 pretty damn hot/attractive/awesome men!

10 Very Attractive Men In More Or Less Random Order

1. David Tennant

If this surprises you, then we must not be very well acquainted!! Seriously, David Tennant is the one man who could honestly make me take my clothes off in a nano second if he as much as smiled at me. He's just so attractive I don't even think it's humanely possible! Not only is he ridiculously good-looking, he's a brilliant actor (my favourite Doctor, too) and did I mention he's Scottish? As I mentioned in my list of hot women, I have a thing for Scottish people, and David Tennant's accent just floors me every time he opens his mouth. Oh, and he has freckles. I rest my case!

2. John Barrowman

So! A very un-typical second place (though this is technically not a countdown), Mr. John Barrowman. I say "untypical", because Barrowman is pretty far from the kind of guys I'm usually attracted to. But there is just such endless charisma to him, that I just can't resist it. You need convincing? Alright. He's a brilliant actor as well (as proven in for example Doctor Who and Torchwood). He's funny as hell, but also very intelligent and aware. He's a staggeringly good singer and does musicals. He looks fabulous in drag. He is gay. Oh, and did I mention he's Scottish too? So yeah, there we go again. There is an amazing confidence in John Barrowman, and that combined to his admittedly very good looks and skills, there's no resisting him! :)

3. Bradley James

Oh Bradley, Bradley... My favourite royal prick, it's Prince Arthur! As you might know (and I will talk more about this in another blog entry) I am majorly obsessed with British quality tv (read: BBC), and Merlin is one of the first British TV shows I really fell in love with. And so I also stumbled across this damn attractive blonde. I simply had to use that picture because look at that smile! It's so bright I can hardly look straight at it! Except that I stare at it all the time. Annnyway. Though I haven't paid as much attention to Merlin lately, especially after Doctor Who took over my fandom life, it's still a brilliant show and Bradley James is absolutely brilliant in it. Yosh!

4. Lee Pace

My, oh my! Swooping across the pond from UK to the States, it's time for this American cutie pie! Pun intended. Remember Anna Friel, the gorgeous leading lady of ABC's brilliant show, Pushing Daisies? Well, who would be a better counterpart for her, than the adorable Lee Pace?! Seriously, it's a miracle I haven't already died from squealing so hard when watching that show. It's just cuteness overload! Lee Pace is AMAZING as Ned the Piemaker - the slightly awkward pie maker with the ability to bring the dead back alive. And Lee Pace pulls that role off PERFECTLY. He is amazing beyond belief and as I said, damn adorable! If he really had a pie house, I would get so fat, because I would never leave that place ever. Ever.

5. Tuomas Holopainen

Well, though there are plenty of hotties across the seas, one should not forget one's own country either! So back from the international waters and also the world of actors, it's my number one Finnish hottie, Tuomas Holopainen. Though I don't always agree with his fashion decisions (not going more into that, but let's just say the moustache and excessive eyeliner aren't always the best way to go XD), there's no denying that he's pretty fantastic. He's a genius songwriter and musician and he was probably the first guy celebrity crush I had. Which reminds me, I'm seeing him again in a month, which is absolutely brilliant! It's been a while since I saw Nightwish live, it's about time to get a reunion with the favourite band - and favourite man - from my youth! Hurrah!

6. Benedict Cumberbatch

Ahoy, it's back to Britain with this iconic character! The main man from another of my BBC addictions, Sherlock, it's the amazing Benedict Cumberbatch. Now he is both very obvious and very unlikely choice to be on the list. Obvious because, as I said, I'm a major Sherlock addict and he is absolutely brilliant in the show, but also a bit unlikely, because he's perhaps not exactly "traditionally handsome". And it's curious because not even I always find him attractive, but then suddenly it's just wow. In his case it's even more about what he does than how he looks. He's ridiculously talented an actor, I could just watch him forever. I would watch him read out the phone book while sitting down and I would find it interesting and beautiful. He's so expressive, it's just amazing! Oh, and he's also occasionally ginger, so point goes to him! x)

7. Johnny Depp

Oh, I just HATE to go for the obvious, but c'mon! Let's face it, there's no way I could not include Johnny Depp in my list. I don't even think there is such a thing as a list of hot men that doesn't include Johnny Depp. I think there's a law against it. Anyway. Sorry to be so predictable, but... but.. Johnny Depp, damnit. If someone is versatile, it's him. Just looking at all the different roles he's played, it's hard to believe it's the same man. From Edward Scissorhands to Jack Sparrow, this man can be anything he wants to and we buy it. So yeah. He deserves his reputation as one of the most brilliant actors there is. And it doesn't hurt to look so damn good while doing what he does. As with most of these guys on the list, I don't love all his looks and style choices, but when he gets it right, he gets it REALLY right. Damn you, Depp, you're too amazing to exist...

8. Andrew Scott

Back to Baker Street again, it's Sherlock's "arch enemy", Mr. Moriarty also known as Andrew Scott. Heavens help me! He's also one of those guys who gets a big part of his subjective attractiveness from his unbelievable acting skills. I mean, in the first series of Sherlock he has maybe 4 minutes of screen time and he manages to amaze everyone. And in series 2 it only gets better. He is absolutely fantastic in his role as Moriarty, and I love every second of his performance. That charisma is just too much for my poor little head to handle!

9. David Garrett

Again, let's make a little detour to the world of music again! Now I'm really on the fence about this gent. He can vary from unbelievably handsome to looking kinda ridiculous surprisingly easily, but I decided to grant him this spot on the list anyway ~~(I'm running out of men to list already, can't be too picky)~~ But anyway. David Garrett is probably the most brilliant violinist I've ever seen. And I've also been really lucky to have seen him live! It was a pretty fantastic experience, he was just as divinely skilled in reality as he is on records. And yeah, he is pretty hot when he does it right. And as I found out at his gig, he's also quite funny and charismatic, so what the hell, he deserves to be here. And I have to say, there was something surprisingly sexual about him playing the violin... Or maybe I just have a thing for freakishly talented musicians, who knows.

10. I'm running out of men already, damnit. As I said before, it is SO much easier for me to estimate female than male beauty, so I'm kinda running out here. I just don't pay as much attention to men's looks as I do women's. So let's just say I'll divide this spot between some of the awesome guys I don't find attractive as much as freakishly talented and lovely. So consider my tenth place divided between Matt Smith, Arthur Darvill, young Colin Firth (he's gorgeous in Pride & Prejudice), Cam Gigandet, Martin Freeman, Hugh Laurie, Colin Morgan and several others that I simply cannot recall, horrible as it is. I'm sure there are many male musicians who are attractive as sin, but ah well.

So there was my 10-that-ended-up-as-either-9-or-17 Very Attractive Men In More Or Less Random Order! Hope you liked it though it was significantly more confused than my previous listing :D See you next time, whenever that is!

Love, Sally

There's only now, there's only here...

2012-01-26T19:50:00.002+02:00

Now playing: Apocalyptica - Hope

"We begin on Christmas Eve..."

Pretty precisely one month ago - indeed on Christmas Eve - when I had just gotten home from my aunt's place and was checking the wonderous land of Internet and more spesifically facebook, I stumbled upon a status update from a friend of mine in which she shared the joyous news that there would be a production of my absolute favourite musical RENT in a theatre in Helsinki. Naturally, I was hyped. And then I found out there would be open auditions so that anyone could apply to be a part of the cast. Again, I was hyped, but also slightly terrified. Because I was now facing a scary decision: Should I take my first step into the world of professional stage performing and try to apply, even though I have no former musical experience and no proper training (Other than the 9 years of drama club and lifetime of music studies, of course :D But not proper school training to be an actress). I thought "I'm only 18 and have no experience, there's no chance they'll choose me". Besides, I knew I had a busy year ahead of me; final exams, entrance exams, possibly new school and so on. Would I really want to add another challenging task to my already stressful 2012? My first instinct was no. No I don't, I'm too young and I wouldn't be any good and so on. But somewhere, underneath there was always a tiny little what if. What if I would make it? What if I could get to do what I had always dreamt of doing - be an actress in a musical, and my favourite musical nonetheless!

"Forget regret or life is yours to miss"

For a really long time I was torn between really wanting to give it a go, and not wanting to put myself through the wringer. I had so many second thoughts both ways. I wanted it so bad and didn't want it at all, both at the same time! It was an interesting time. Up until the last week of the applications I had no idea what I would do. Thoughts were running up and down the walls of my mind, and I was confused big time. My friends kept saying "Do it!" and in my heart I knew I wanted to do it. But my mind kept resisting: there were too many complications. I kept swinging back and forth. In the afternoon I would think "of course I'll do this" and an hour or two later I was convinced I would definitely not. So yeah, tricky times. But the bottom line underneath all this was "If I don't at least try, will I end up regretting it for the rest of my life?" Then at some point it kinda struck me: This particular musical is my favourite, and one of the biggest messages it's trying to tell us is to seize the day. Don't waste time because you never know how much time you have. I love this musical. Maybe it was time I started living to its lessons. The deadline for applications was January 20th and the auditions were to be held on the 26th. On Tuesday, January 17th I thought "what the hell" and sent my application.

Applicant 58, at your service!

"No other road, no other way, no day but today"

For the past week I was a nervous wreck. I sent in my application and got an invitation to the audition, and then it was only a matter of days before the big challenge was upon me. I had to pick a song to perform and get ready for a whole new experience. And after lots of panic about non-functioning printers and such last night, today morning I got up at 6 am, ready to face the world and the big scary auditions. I found my way to the dance studio where the auditions were held, checked in and then waited. Surprisingly, I was pretty calm. I seemed to be the only person there who didn't know anyone else - all others had friends auditioning as well (I think they were all from the same dance school or similar. Note that I have never taken a dance lesson in my life, if hoopdance and one belly dance workshop don't count...) so I felt like kind of a loner. Everyone else seemed frighteningly professional, and I felt inadequate as hell. But after we got the info from the project leaders, I started to feel a bit more at ease. Luckily, I was in group 3, which meant I was up for auditions pretty soon and didn't have to wait all day for my turn. So after quite a while of waiting, it was our group's turn. I was to go sing first, and then do the dance part after that. So off we went! Because of the huuuuge amount of applicants (there were around 300 of us there and only 15 or so roles to fill, my chances didn't seem too high to begin with) and the lack of time, we didn't get to perform our songs from beginning to end, more like a 20-60 second snippet. We just slammed the sheet music in front of the pianist, gave them the tempo and sang until the conductor - now our "judge" - told us to stop. I could've chosen a better place to start singing from, I never got to the chorus now, I only got to sang for 30ish seconds. Plus my throat was - of course - oddly achy from the morning, what are the odds! Anyway, I was pretty content with how it went seeing how I'm usually nervous to the point of physically shaking when I have to sing in front of people, especially "judges" of any sort. So it went pretty smoothly this time, which made me happy!

But then it was time for the dance part, which truly terrified me. I mean, at least I knew I could sing, but I had no experience or skills worth mentioning, how was I ever gonna survive this?! I have a pretty good sense of rhythm thanks to my skills in music, and I have a fairly good body control thanks to hoopdance and circus, but dancing is still quite a challenge for me. So yeah, I was bloody horrified! And it was pretty spooky! We were shown a short choreography, we went through it in a group maybe 3 or 4 times, and then WHAM, do it by yourself in front of the judges! And I was among the first to go so of course I panicked and messed it all up: got confused, forgot the choreography and stood still for a moment, which is of course exactly the opposite of what one should do in that situation. Ah well. The second time around I did it, it went a bit better. So yay, go me! After that we had to tell the "judges" why they should pick us, and - as usual - all the good answers came to me right after I had had my turn. Why does that always happen?! Anyway. Then it was suddenly over. We were told that we'd get our results in a moment, and so all we could do then was wait - again. And after a while they brought out a list of the people who had been chosen from the first 100 or so people. I was not one of them.

"All the scars from the 'nevers' and 'maybes' die"

So that was that. My first audition. I did not make it. Next autumn I will not be getting on stage to perform my favourite musical as I had dreamed. But you know what? That's okay. It's fine. Because I tried. I went for it. I found the courage in me to do something I had never done before, all alone and by myself. I went to an audition with nothing to back me up: no connections to use, no experience to rely on, no cards in my sleeve to pull me through. I was terrified and I did it anyway. At least now I won't have to spend the rest of my life wondering if I could've made it. That's one thing less to regret later. And besides, now I know what it's like. I've been to an audition and I know how it works and I can be better prepared for the next time! Because I will try again! This star may not be rising to the sky of musical performers just yet, but believe you me, someday I will make it! So yeah. Of course I'm a bit sad and a little disappointed, but in the end I am so damn proud of myself that it doesn't even bug me that much. I exceeded all my expectations and my self-confidence just got up by 200%. Becuse you know what? I am good! Maybe someday when I'm even better someone will think that I'm just the kind of person they want in their musical and I'll get chosen. But I also know what no one will come to my doorsteps to fetch me and tell me they want me in their production. I'm gonna have to go to them and tell them that they want me, because I am good and I deserve it. So you watch me - someday it'll come true!

Much love and dreams,
Sally

Little Happy Things

2012-01-14T17:14:00.004+02:00

For the first entry of the year I would like to list down some of the little seemingly insignificant things that make me smile or just happy in general! Here comes!

♥ when my hair's been on a bun all day and I take it down and it's all curly

♥ pretending to be a mermaid when swimming

♥ when the street is frozen and I can glide a really long way

♥ watching my dog sleep

♥ when it's snowing slowly and I catch snowflakes on my tongue

♥ running knee deep in snow

♥ when I manage a new trick in circus or with the hoop

♥ kittens

♥ freckles

♥ when someone plays with my hair

♥ obscure compliments

♥ Eskimo kisses
♥ snuggling and cuddle puddles
♥ unspoken mutual crushes
♥ baby animals
♥ climbing trees

♥ pretending to be a pirate
♥ lip synching to music in public
♥ making ordinary things dramatic with music
♥ taking naps in warm places
♥ smiling strangers
♥ when my idol replies to my message
♥ when I find money I didn't know I had lying around in my bag or room
♥ glitter

♥ getting a good grade from an exam I thought I had failed
♥ learning new words
♥ falling in love with new music
♥ jeans that fit
♥ dancing while cleaning my room
♥ playing the ukulele
♥ big happy announcements
♥ making others laugh
♥ laughing so hard I can hardly breathe

♥ getting dirty without having to worry about it
♥ the scent of freshly baked goods outside the grocery store in the morning
♥ when my bus comes in time and all the good seats are empty
♥ when there's a storm and I don't have to go outside
♥ fire hooping

Well, that's it for now! Speaking of fire hooping, I'm most likely going to try it again tonight, yay! So yesh! Hope you liked my Little Happy Things list, seeya later!

All photos from weheartit.com!

Love and laughter,

Sally

How do you measure a year in the life?

2011-12-27T22:07:00.001+02:00

Now playing: RENT - Seasons of Love

525 600 minutes
525 000 moments so dear.
525 600 minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525 600 minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
Measure in love

I can't believe a year went by so fast. And yes, that's a RENT quote - as are the lyrics above - but it's also very much true. Then again, I guess it always feels like this in the end of the year. But a lot has definitely happened since New Year's Eve 2010! It's time for another typical New Year's post in which I reflect upon all the things that happened last year. Well, some of them, at least. And then have a look into next year too! So here goes!

1. People & Relationships

This is what it always comes down to, eh? Relationships. 2010 was a stormy year as far as relationships go, 2011 was thankfully a bit more steady. Well, most of it was, anyway. I got together with my (now ex) girlfriend around New Year's (I'm starting to sense a pattern here...) and we were happily together most of the year. It is my longest relationship up to date and truly a very happy one for majority of the time. And though the break-up was difficult, she is still my best friend in the whole world, so as far as my part goes, I got the best of it in the end. Apart from that, I also made some new, wonderful friends in 2011. I met a lot of new people via hoopdance and especially MoodforHoop's Hoopyweekend 2011! It was an amazing experience and gave my social life a nice kick by introducing me to a bunch of really great people. Hooping has brought so many amazing people in my life this year, I don't even know where to begin! But you guys know who you are! I also got better acquainted with many people I already knew and had an amazing time with my Chat Family in International Chat Meet-Up 2011! As far as "real life" in school goes, I made little progress, though. I still don't have any close friends who I could hang out with and feel perfectly happy and myself with. But oh well, one can never have it all. I still love my school friends, and I'm glad they still don't mind having me around. Even if that's the best there is to hope for.

2. Hobbies & Interests

This part of my analysis makes me happier than any other. Last year, my situation hobby-wise was rather pathetic. I was stuck with long standing hobbies that I wasn't that passionate about, I mainly did them because I was so used to it. But this year I took a leap, ditched some of my old hobbies and gave some consideration to what I really wanted to do. So I quit drama club and orchestra, and picked up circus and proper hoopdance, and even gave a go at belly dancing! (I'll make sure to get more into that next year!) I've been so so so happy with these decisions, they have increased my happiness by leaps and bounds. Hoopdance and circus have improved my confidence, my body image and health in general. I've gotten stronger both mentally and physically. I'm still dragging the piano along (as a hobby, not literally XD), but I am hopefully finishing my music studies this spring and after that I can pick up something new again, like belly dancing or pole dancing or poi! :) That, of course depends on where I'll be living and how much time I will have, seeing how I'll probably go study someplace new next year. Yikes!

3. Skills & Experiences

This falls somewhat under the previous category, but not quite. I want to ask myself: What have I done this year, that I had never done before? And here I list some: I have fire hooped, done aerial acrobatics, bought a ukulele and learned to play it, I have performed with my hoop in public, tried poi, travelled to new countries, been in a relationship for over 6 months, gone to see burlesque, drunk champagne, gotten my first actual job and pay check, paid taxes, gone to a bar, dyed my hair with henna, fallen in love with Doctor Who, and so much more! I've learnt so much this year, some of it through trial and error, but all the same. I've learned to interprete my own emotions a tiny bit better (I hope...), I've learned to angst less and live more. I've cried a lot and laughed a lot - hopefully laughed more. I have felt betrayed and sad, I've been upset over little things and big things, I've hated myself and felt like shit, I've loved myself and felt proud of my own special self. I've panicked and feared, but I've also relaxed and trusted. All in all, it's been quite an experience!

4. Then & Now

Compared to December 27th 2010, what's different? What's changed since then? Well, in late December 2010 I was getting ready to go to Gothenburg for New Year's to meet chat people. I was nervous but happy about my relationship with my to-be girlfriend, whereas now I'm getting ready to go to Flensburg for New Year's to meet chat people, and I'm nervous but happy about meeting my ex-girlfriend, now-best friend again. Back then I was quite unhappy, socially awkward and uncertain about myself, whereas now I'm more happy than not, socially a bit better and quite confident about myself. Back then I was at loss about my future, but optimistic about my alternatives. Right now I'm at loss about my future and panicking my head off about my alternatives. I don't know where I'll be one year from now, and it's pretty scary. In December 2010 I was pretty lonely, and didn't know many people I could connect with. Now I have a bigger circle of friends, and I don't get lonely as often, but I'm still lacking someone I could feel connected with. The search goes on. When I look at the goals I listed in my last year's summary blog entry, it seems I've achieved them pretty well. My goals were as follows:

1. I want to live _my_ life
2. I want to stop being so dramatic
3. I promise to make me happy

So far, so good. I'm living more for me than I used to, I'm less dramatic (but there's always the little spark of drama!) and I have made myself happy more than I've made myself sad. Mission more or less accomplished, I suppose. But I still have a long way to go before I can fully say I've reached those goals.

5. On With The Show

So how about 2012? I've always sucked at New Year's resolutions, they're usually the same dung that I forget a month in on the new year. So writing stuff like "I'll do my homework" and "I'll keep my room clean" would be waste of typing. But I can try to set myself some new goals anyway.

1. Don't Panic

I think this is a sound piece of advice, and also applies to many parts of my life. Don't panic if you don't get a girl-/boyfriend in a while - you'll be fine without one too. Don't panic if you can't decide about your studies - it's not now or never. Don't panic if you still can't find where you belong - you have your whole life to figure it out. Don't panic if you get lost in a foreign country - you'll always end up somewhere. Those and many more advices are exactly the kind I want to give myself. I need to stop panicking about everything and try to take life as it comes. There will always be things I can't affect, why not stop struggling so much and go with the flow for once.

2. Forgive

Another thing that can be understood in various ways. I need to stop holding grudge about things that have happened and that goes for other people as well as myself. I need to forgive my friends who ignore me - it's not their duty to pay attention to me if they honestly don't care. I need to forgive myself for cocking up my relationships. I have to try to be less harsh on myself and my friends, too. I tend to linger in bad decisions too long, as well as the bad things other people have done to me. I'm still angry about things that happened years ago, that can't be healthy. I should just try to forgive and live on.

3. Find Creativity

These past two years have been more or less wasted, as far as creativity goes. This dry spell has gone on long enough and I need to find my art again. I need to stop being so damn critical about my own creations and stop thinking "what if I suck". I have to start doing and stop over-thinking. I'm gonna go RENT again and quoting Roger I'm gonna promise to "finish a song". I want to be able to write and draw again, as well as make crafty things and music. There's a challenge, but I will try my best to rise to it.

Anyway, those will do for now. On Thursday I am off to Flensburg and a whole new year! After that I will maybe write a bit about my Christmas (if I can be arsed to), make a list of gorgeous men and introduce you to my TV habits! So see you then!

Love and light to this dark season from
yours truly,
Sally Slander
xoxo

Have yourself a merry little Christmas!

2011-12-22T20:38:00.000+02:00

Now playing: Sanna Kurki-Suonio - Manaus (Exercation)

Howdy ho! It's almost time for Christmas again, and I missed my blog anniversary again! Then again, December 18th isn't REALLY my blog anniversary, only the anniversary of this URL... Because two years ago I was an idiot and accidentally deleted my old blog and had to make a new one. *facepalm* Anywayy, this version of my blog has existed for 2 years, yay and all! :D Hope you've enjoyed it so far, I'll try to shape up next year!

So yeah, anyway, Christmas. I'm usually a very Christmas-y person, I love this holiday! The overall atmosphere of it, the "halfway out of the dark" mentality, the food, the decorations, the lights, the presents, the snow... Wait, scratch that, WHAT SNOW?! Yeaaah, this year is depressing, to say the least. We got practically no snow. Well okay, last night we got some snow and minus degrees, but don't worry, it'll be gone by tomorrow... -__- So for a change it's to be a black Christmas in Finland (shameful!) and it's really killing my buzz. I have not been able to get excited about Christmas at all this year, which sucks. First it was November and then suddenly it was already almost Christmas. I had no time to be excited or to plan anything, everything just sorta rolled onwards and BAM, it's Christmas! Wooot?! My holiday finally started last night, and today I've been delightfully idle. The slight snow and frost we have made me feel a bit better about this whole holiday today, but the knowledge that we're expecting +4 celcius degrees and rain for Christmas Eve is kinda depressing. So yes, I haven't been exactly feeling the thrill this year, and it makes me very sad. I've always been a Christmas person, I don't want it to become just some menial "let's eat food and exchange material offerings" -day. Well, that's what it is, but still!

Last night we had our school's Christmas party and Christmas service in church. The party was hilarious, I must say xD I've gotten a bit old and cynical apparently, 'cause I got so annoyed with the younger students being all enthusiastic and just... irritating! I guess having silly fun in a group is only fun when you're in the group yourself... Anyway. I had the pleasure of seeing some of my favourite male teachers dressed up as faeries, which made it all worth it! XD After that it was church time. Now, I'm pretty sure most of you know that I'm not exactly religious. I'm still namely a christian, but in practice not so much. But that doesn't mean I couldn't enjoy going to the church! It was a combined thing for 3 schools; our art high school, a music high school and a sport high school. The chamber choir of the music school was stunning, and the church itself was amazingly beautiful. Though I don't exactly believe in God, I kinda enjoy going to church, especially at Christmas. I love singing the hymns, and besides, many of the ideas they talk about in church are things I definitely think myself and approve of, such as all the "be kind to others" and "don't be a douche bag" ideals. I don't have to be a christian to hope that people would be kinder to each other and that everyone would have a chance for a good life and happiness. And thankfully the cleric who talked there had a good sense of humour so that it wasn't boring at all. Sometimes in church it feels so easy to believe in God... Ah well. The church lifted my Christmas spirits a bit, even though it was rainy and gloomy outside. What's better the water had frozen and made the steps up to the church extremely slippery. Not good!

And there were a couple of steps to go...

So yeah. Today I spent at home finishing my presents for the family and belly dancing, mainly. Tomorrow me and my sister are off to our aunt's place to prepare some Christmas shenanigans and such! This is the first Christmas I'll spend elsewhere than home! Pretty exciting, in a way! I'll probably be back on Christmas Day (OH GOD DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL YESSS!), but in case I don't feel like updating then, I wish you all a very merry Christmas! Be good people and eat lots of food! And go panicking about having to burn it all off, you silly people! Now go bite some gingerbread! ♥

Love, Sally
xoxo

10 + 5 Very Attractive Women In More Or Less Random Order

2011-12-18T19:05:00.001+02:00

Now playing: Florence + The Machine - Shake It Out

Time for another countdown-ish thing! This time it's not really a countdown, though, 'cause I hate evaluating people by their looks. But it's just a list of 10 (+5) women I find really attractive in more or less random order. I was originally gonna list 20 people, 10 women and 10 men, but I didn't want this post to get too long, so I'm saving the guys up for another countdown. It's also a lot more easy for me to list pretty women than men, I don't have much eye for male beauty. But anyway, here goes!

10 Very Attractive Women In More Or Less Random Order

1. Katie McGrath

Hellooo, gorgeous! Katie McGrath - maybe best known as Morgana in BBC's Merlin - is undoubtedly one of the hottest women I've ever seen anywhere. It was close to impossible to pick just one picture of her, she is so stunning. But then again, any picture of her would do! But yes. It's people like these who make me dread looking in the mirror xD Oh Katie, Katie, Katie, the effect you have on women's self esteem ~~and sexual frustration~~!

2. Anna Friel

God help me, Anna Friel. Not only is she staggeringly beautiful, British and covered in the most gorgeous freckles the world has ever seen, she is also an extremely skilled acterss, whom you might recognise from ABC's amazing show Pushing Daisies - the cancellation of which is up to date the biggest crime in the history of television. The show is made of adorable, big thanks of which goes to Anna freaking Friel! She's so damn adorable, there's no question about whether she belongs here or not. Love that woman to bits!

3. Evanna Lynch

Admittedly, I love her even better with her super long blond hair, but this picture was too beautiful to pass by! So yeah! Evanna Lynch! I can't say much about her as an actress, because pretty much the only movies she's done or I've seen from her are the Potter movies, and while I adore the books, I have to admit (please don't kill me) that I don't particularly like the movies. There, I said it. But Evanna Lynch is perfect for the role of Luna Lovegood, and yes, she is beautiful beyond all reason! There is just something so ethereal to her and my god the hair!! So amazing!

4. Emmy Rossum

Emmy Rossum falls to the cathegory of "women I love so much I almost hate them". I'm not a particular fan of hers as I am of, say Anna Friel, but she is just so talented it makes me want to cry. I'm sure everyone knows her as Christine in Phantom Of The Opera - and it truly is a good performance (and she was, like, 16, when she started in that production... 18 in the movie? Please kill me now.) but I especially love her as a singer. I'm not sure if people are aware of her musical releases, but her album, Inside Out, is really beautiful and she has an amazing voice. Plus she's gorgeous. Duh. I want her smile.

5. Karen Gillan

At this point it might be good to establish that I am almost dangerously obsessed with following three things: Doctor Who, Scottish people, ginger hair. Combine all three, you get Karen Gillian, also known as Amy Pond! Again, a splendid actress, funny as hell, and gorgeous beyond all belief. She is versatile and can go from cute to smoking hot just like that! Love her!

6. Georgia Train

From the world of actresses we now dive into the world of music! Georgia Train, the other half of the amazing duo Bitter Ruin is freakishly talented, has a vocal range like you wouldn't believe and she's GORGEOUS! (Even when she's covered in dirt and lying in a bathtub). I think she has exquisitely beautiful facial features and I love her hair! I wish I was as talented and beautiful as she is!

7. Florence Welch

Remember what I said about gingers? Yeaah, here goes again. Granted, Florence is not naturally ginger, but her gorgeous red hair has become a sort of a trademark. And besides, who cares if it's natural or not *strokes own hair* if it just looks good? And Florence sure does! And she, too, is freakishly talented a singer. This countdown is more than a little depressing... Anyway. I love Flo's energy and presence on stage and her voice is absolutely phenomenal. Gotta love this woman!

8. Mishkin Fitzgerald

It is unfairly difficult to find photos of this adorable lady, but trust me, she's a pretty one! And though that picture doesn't quite show it, she also falls into the cathegory of "really hot women with really orange hair" (Watch this video, it proves my point) Anyway! She's the lead singer of another amazing and infuriatingly underrated band called Birdeatsbaby. And yes: she, too, is freakishly talented a singer.

9. Christina Aguilera

Maybe not the most typical picture of Christina to go with, but I chose that one for a reason. My relation with Xtina is a bit two-sided. On another hand, I love some of her songs and no one can deny that she has a stupendously amazing voice, but on another hand I'm not that much into her style of music nowadays. Same goes with the looks. I loved her more edgy style back in the early days, and some of her classic pin-up looks of today are also amazingly beautiful. But then there are those times when she looks like a cheap hollywood push-over with platinum blond hair, orange tan and shockingly red lips and that just doesn't do it for me. But ah well. I cannot deny it, I think she is very beautiful (when she doesn't do stupid things with her makeup and hair) and she is amazingly good a singer.

10. Cate Blanchett

Again, I'm not the biggest fan of Cate Blanchett in general - though I do think she's a brilliant actress - but she just has that something that appeals to me. I haven't seen many movies she's been in, but in the ones I've seen she's been brilliant. And as I said, there's something about that ethereal face and expression that make me love her.

+5 Very Attractive Women That I - For Some Reason - Dropped Out From This List But Want To Mention Anyway:

11. Helena Bonham Carter
12. Juliette Binoche
13. Billie Piper
14. Catherine Tate
15. ...and so many others that if I listed them all, this blog entry would never end.

And for those wondering where are Veronica Varlow, Emilie Autumn, Amanda Palmer and all other women I've praised before, the answer is that I've been fangirling about them so much, that I think you've gotten the message, and I wanted to leave space for some beauties that I have not presented to you before. I still find them very beautiful!

Anyway, that was a rough and quite random 10 + 5, but I hope you liked it anyway! More Top 10's coming up soon!

Love,
Sally

Killing Us Softly - Advertising's Image of Women

2011-12-15T21:46:00.000+02:00

This woman is pure amazing and I 100% agree with everything she says. That's basically all my blog rants condensed into a 45 minute video. Seriously, watch it. It's worth your time and so so so so true.

Love,
Sally

I'm Your Opheliac - 5th Muffin Anniversary Post!

2011-12-14T00:12:00.001+02:00

Now playing: Emilie Autumn - Opheliac

December 14th, 2006 at 7:41 pm:
"Yeah, I joined this group now 'cause I listened the songs on Emilie's MySpace and fell in love. I'm SO going to get my hands on that new album... ^^ Swallow is amazing! Playing at the moment..."

That was the first comment I wrote to an online community of Emilie Autumn on a certain Finnish website pretty much exactly 5 tears ago. That is the first concrete piece of evidence about the start of my EA fandom, and thus I consider December 14th my official Muffin Anniversary. And now that day has come again! And now for the 5th time! It's quite baffling, actually. I've been a fan of Emilie Autumn for half a decade! That's quite a big portion of my life and it sure has had a huge impact on me and my life. So I figured it would only be fitting to celebrate my 5 year Muffin Anniversary with a blog post!

Word of warning: I know many of my friends don't think too highly of EA anymore, but I'd appreciate if you'd leave that out of this post. If you don't want to read me talk about her, don't read on. Thanksss!

I remember very well how I first stumbled upon Emilie's music. I had quite recently turned 13, I had just entered secondary school and I was an angsty, troubled teen with "goth" tendencies and all that jazz. My taste in music consisted mainly of Nightwish and other bands of the similar genre. I was also quite interested in J-pop and other Japanese stuff. Ah, how embarrassing I must've been! Anyway! I remember just browsing that same Finnish site I mentioned earlier, and randomly ended up checking out the profile of this random gothic chick whom I did not know. Anyway, in her communities there was a group for Emilie Autumn and the description said (and still does :D) "The pink-haired princess of 'victoriandustrial'" I suppose that caught my attention because I then clicked the link to her MySpace (yeah, remember the time when people actually went there...) and listened to the four songs she had there - Opheliac, Swallow, Gothic Lolita and God Help Me. Her album Opheliac had just been released, and those were the only songs she had there. I remember seeing her profile picture and then hearing the first notes of Opheliac and thinking "holy shit, who does this kind of stuff?!" And as the song continued to the awesome electronic beat, I remember being totally awestruck by the combination. I remember thinking "This is exactly the kind of music I've been looking for!" and after that there was no turning back :D I had those 4 songs on repeat for a long time, until I finally realised I could look stuff up on YouTube as well! I downloaded a couple of songs of hers (illegally... *cough*) and later of course got all the albums. And that's where it all began!


Me in early 2007, around the time I discovered EA. Sorry about the pic being edited to hell and back, I wasn't very skilled with photoshop back in the days XD

It would be an understatement to say that Emilie Autumn has had an impact on my life for the impact she's had is so astonishingly big. Through her music and forum I have met some of my best friends and she has inspired me in so many ways. My style, my interests, my hobbies, my thoughts, etc. Pretty precisely one year after I discovered Emilie's music I also joined her fan forum, and that opened a whole new world for me :D I met some super lovely people there, many of whom I still talk to every day and meet up with occasionally. So a majority of the awesome people in my life have gotten there thanks to Emilie in some way :D It's interesting how many things in my life can be somehow led back to EA. I found most of my current favourite bands through her forum and other fans, I got into burlesque, circus and hooping thanks to her Bloody Crumpets, she has influenced my art and style, and so on. It's actually quite scary to think how different things would be if I'd never discovered her music... It would be super interesting to see how my life would've turned out if I'd never heard of Emilie Autumn. Anyhow, I'm really glad I did!

The first physical contact with my idol in October 2008. That's half of my face you can see above the stripey sleeve :D

In June 2008 I received the thrilling information that my idol of almost two years whom I thought I'd NEVER get to see live, was coming to Finland for the first time! Naturally, I flipped out completely. And then followed a few months of anxious waiting to find out whether it was age limited or not. Me being only 15 at the time I was super nervous and I was pretty sure I would have to stay outside, scratching the door. However gods were on my side and the show was for all ages. And the show was so amazing! I got to meet the Bloody Crumpets properly for the first time and got my first kiss from Veronica Varlow which got me more involved in Veronica's Kissing Army which has changed my life in so many ways. So yeah, that was damn amazing!

Me and Maggie after the show in 2008

And only a few months later, in January 2009 came the announcement... Emilie would be back in Finland in April 2009! So yeah, guess who flipped the fuck out once again? :D Correctomundo, I did! So yeah, insert another couple of months of freaking out about age limits (16 at the time so still threatened by age limits) and stuff. Anyway, luck was with me once again I could make it to the show. And boy, was that a memorable day! 7 hours of queuing in the freezing April cold totally paid off, for we got to the front row once again and I got picked for the Rat Game, just to mention a few awesome things that came to pass that night. Another fantastic gig, another life experience I will never ever forget. That show also sealed my interest in hula hooping and aerial acrobatics, and now, almost three years later I'm finally getting there! It's so awesome! ♥

Ratty, ratty, ratty...

So yeah. Almost three years have passed since that last show in Finland, and finally, in October it was announced that Emilie would FINALLY return to Finland in April 2012 and for two whole shows! I am so so so so excited about that! Not only has it been way too long since I last saw Emilie and the Crumpets live, but it also means a new album is about to be released, which is pretty freaking cool. I joined the fandom right after Emilie's previous full-length album Opheliac had been released, so I've only been there for EP releases, and this is a really big deal for me. During all these years the atmosphere among the fanbase has gotten really nasty. The forum is no longer the home it used to be (understandably so, but still makes me sad), many of my ex-muffin friends no longer like Emilie and her music, and I haven't really gotten connected with the new muffins. But the old friends that forum and fanbase gave me still remain, as do the fond memories of the time I was an angsty 14-year-old and found a whole new world of affection, inspiration and wonder on that forum and in that woman. It's been a good 5 years and I can't wait to meet my biggest idol again. Though the fanbase and even the artist herself have gotten more distant, never during these 5 years have I grown tired of her music. She is the only artist who I listen to almost daily even after all this time. Other bands and artists I listen to in phases, sometimes more and sometimes less and sometimes not at all, but Emilie Autumn I listen to in any mood, season or time of day. There has been drama and there has been uproar and moments of frustration and sadness, but overall I have to say I love Emilie Autumn. Despite all her flaws, all the hairs I've pulled from my head in anxious desperation over album releases, gig age limits, tours that cruelly skip Finland and forum drama, I still love her and her music very much. I owe so much to her that there is no way I could just ignore that and blatantly start hating her or anything. I miss how things used to be all those years ago when the fanbase was dramatically smaller and the forum was my home. The times when Emilie would pop up in the forum every now and then and have a chat with us, the times when she would post silly little journal entries and videos. The times of Bloomer Brigade, The Little Xmas Secrets Advent Calendar, Naked Feminist Poetry, and the Enchant Contest. I really do miss all that and how intimate it all was. But of course as fanbase grows and everyone grows up, things change. But I still remember those days and how good they were and am glad to have had all those experiences. They've helped me become who I am today and I wouldn't change that for anything.

So in a nutshell: Thank You, Emilie Autumn and everyone who's been there to make The Asylum my home and family. Thank you all of The Bloody Crumpets, present and previous; Veronica, Aprella, Maggie, Contessa, Sugarless, Vecona, Lucina, Lady Joo Hee, Ulorin, and so on. Also all the amazing Muffins and Plague Rats, VKA soldiers, Destructive Dolls, Pyrates, Cannibals, Little Lunatics and the rest. It's been a good 5 years!

Eyes on the future and April 2012... ♥

Ps. On a completely unrelated note: 120 readers?! Kick-ass! I also just reached 60,000 pageviews, which is pretty freaking awesome. Thank you so much people who read this blog, it means the world to me! ♥ Mwah! xoxo

I am done with my gracelss heart, so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

2011-12-09T00:01:00.000+02:00

Now playing: Florence + The Machine - Never Let Me Go

Since it was Finland's Indepencence Day on Tuesday, it seems only fitting that I drop a few lines siding the subject here as well. Now I'm not particularly patriotic or anything, it's not that kind of independence I wish to talk about. For me Independence Day is more or less just a very welcome day off from school, but the concept of independence means a lot to me. I'm of course exceedingly thankful for being able to live in a more or less free country and being a part of an independent nation - I wish one day it would be possible for everyone. But even more than nation-wise it's important to me personally and mentally, so to say. Especially now. I'm an independent (more or less), as of recently single and confident (-ish) person and that's exactly the way I want to be. And I want to get even more independent and confident! I'm not saying I'm glad my relationship ended (though it was by choice so no condolences needed here), but this is a good opportunity for me to learn even more about myself and who I want to be. For the first time in a while I'm just... me. And for now I'm very pleased to be so! I need to figure out what I want with my life before I include someone else in it. I guess I could say I'm trying to reflect a bit on my past and the things I've done to see where I went wrong and then do something about it. I'm trying to start anew. Who knows, maybe I'll manage to grow some as a person and stop making these same mistakes over and over again. I hope I'll succeed. So even though economically I'm still very much dependant on my parents (that's the curse of a poor student...), mentally I'm getting more and more independent. I'm currently in a very crossroadsy situation with little idea about my future. I have no clue where I'll be one year from now, and while terrifying it's also pretty exciting. It's time to take a new course in life and it remains to be seen where it'll lead me. Here's hoping that the change - whatever it is - will be for the better.

I'm currently suffering from a sort of a Peter Pan syndrome: I'm terrified of growing up. I'm verry happy with the current state of affairs - being somewhere between youth and adulthood - and I'm really scared of having to become a "proper adult". But like they say: the best part about being an adult is that you get to define what it means. I can just as well be a hoopdancing, circus performing dreamer, if that's what I want "adult" to be. Adulthood has brought me lots of freedom, though, so I guess the responsibilities can't be far behind. But it's okay. I'll learn to live with it and make the best of it, I suppose. I'm such a bundle of nerves about the future, I hope I won't forget to also enjoy the present as I go! The best time of one's life is "right now", so why not make the best of it before it's gone. But I also think it's stupid to think that once you're no longer in your twenties, you're life is "over" and you can't have fun anymore. Bullshit, I say! Just because you've lived longer doesn't mean you couldn't have just as much fun as the youngsters do! And why not even more, while you're at it. At least I hope I will never grow too old to do things I want and enjoy. And speaking of "things I enjoy"...

I finally managed to get photographic evidence of me doing aerial acrobatics! We had an open house at the circus and my parents came to see what I do :D I love this picture very much! I had just managed a new trick for the first time and I'm wearing a huge, triumphant grin on my face. And that is why I do acrobatics. The thrill I get from getting something right is just amazing. I love that photo because although I look sweaty, ragged and exhausted (as I was), I also look so radiantly happy, that I can't help but to feel happy watching it. And thinking back to September when I started doing acrobatics just shows how much I've improved. Back then I couldn't even climb 3 feet up the silks, not to mention perform any tricks! And now, after just 15 weeks or so - I can already do stuff there! :D It's so amazing to see my body changing and adjusting. As I type this my muscles are so sore I can hardly move without moaning, thanks to yesterday's circus practice, but when I move I can see the muscles and feel the strength. And that is something completely new to me. And I'm absolutely loving it!

So yeah, I guess that's that today. I should be off to bed, but my sleep pattern is messed up big time. Ah well. Oh, and before I forget! Anne threw a challenge my way and requested me to create a steampunk inspired make-up with my new eyeshadow palette (Viva La Diva high pearl 64 colour palette. Loving it, btw) and I naturally accepted the challenge :D

(click to enlargen)

This is a really quickly done look, not the best I could achieve but pretty nice all the same :D I really like the cog thingie, it turned out pretty nice :) Hope you like it and I'll be sure to create more looks with my new lovely eyeshadows! So keep tuned!

Love,
Sally

If you're gorgeous and you know it...

2011-12-05T02:24:00.000+02:00

Now playing: WOODKID - Iron

Warning! This post contains good self-esteem and body acceptance!

Inspired by this amazing video of an amazing girl I just stumbled upon on Tumblr I want to, once again, address the issue of self-esteem and healthy self-image. Because that video is so true and so beautiful (Btw if you're under 18 you probably can't see it because YouTube is a prick and doesn't want you to watch this awesome video) and I think this topic should always be discussed. I sure know I have and you're all probably sick of it already but I don't mind. I'll keep bringing it up as many times as I feel necessary.

Why is it that if you're a teenage girl it is much more acceptable to say "I'm ugly as sin and fat as a whale" than to say "I'm fucking beautiful and I love my body"? How come? And more importantly why do we feel the need to say it? Oh wait, I forgot, the society is just fucked up that way! Just today I read an article about the clothing store H&M and how they actually don't use real women in their ad campaigns at all! Now we all know that ads are photoshopped beyond all reason, but they apparently went so far as to not use real women at all! No! They put the clothes on mannequins and then photoshop the faces of the models on them. And there you have the perfect woman to make people buy your product! There you have the perfect picture to show thousands of kids and teenagers every single day! No wonder we can never look like the women in magazines, the women in magazines aren't women! And the models whose faces are used in these ads have no idea what will be done to their pictures. Must be a bit of surprise to see your face in the ad when your face is literally all you see of yourself! Oh, clothing store ads, how I love you. How funny is it that real people are not good looking enough to make real people want to buy the clothes. And by funny I mean absolutely mental and completely twisted.

Negative is the new positive these days. It's so curious. If someone compliments you, it's the done thing to say "lol no I look hideous" more than just saying "thank you!" And god forbid should you actually say something positive about yourself! Gasp! More than once I've had people calling me self-centered and vain just because I've refused to play myself down and belittle myself. Because apparently "I don't think I'm fat" equals "I'm the queen of all universe and hotter than you all!" Who knew! And it pisses me off so much that good self-esteem automatically means you're a vain bitch. Why is loving yourself so damn horrible? People should learn to tell apart good self-esteem and overly praising self and thinking oneself better than everyone else. If I think I'm beautiful it doesn't mean I think everyone else is ugly! There is a huge difference. So I admit it: I love my body right now. I like the way I look and yes, I even think I can look beautiful. Sometimes I like to look at myself in the mirror and sometimes when I'm taking my clothes off and about to go to the shower I look at my reflection in the window and think "Yup, I look good". So sue me! Loving my body has made me so much happier, why should I feel guilty? Loving myself makes it easier to love others too, so why hate me for it? And being content with my body doesn't mean I never get self-concious or insecure. There are also times when all I see in myself is fault after another and that's normal. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I don't go marching down the streets yelling "I'm fucking gorgeous!" to everyone I see. But I just cannot understand why it wouldn't be okay for me to feel happy about myself and my body and express it. It's like the unspoken rule is "If you're happy and you know it shut the fuck up" It's not okay to say "I'm beautiful". Then again, if you don't think you're beautiful and you say it you're just a whiny attention seeker... It's a difficult world.

I've gotten skinnier lately. I just weighed myself for the longest time and apparently I had lost weight, too. Now maybe some people would like to point a finger and say "HA! You hypocrite! Sure you love your body now that you're skinnier!" but no, that is not the case. I mean yes, sure that's a part of it. But it's not all about weight and size. First of all I'd like to direct you to my blog entry from 2 years back, and secondly there's more to it: I've also been gaining muscle. Now I've never been the athletic type. I sucked at P.E. in school and I was always the worst at everything. I'd weasel out of every physical exercise if I could. I still don't love it. I don't do sit-ups every day, I don't work myself to death on a gym. But I've found things I love doing - acrobatics and hoopdance - and I do them with great enthusiasm. I'm still a lazy bum who sits online all day and eats chocolate more than is wise, but I've also discovered that I can enjoy exercise and physical activities. (Did that sound naughty or was it just me?) I'm also eager to learn more bellydance and maybe even pole dancing at some point! I still detest most of the P.E. kind of exercise, but that's not the only kind of exercise there is. So my advice for those of you who feel like they hate exercise and such, just find the things you like doing! If you don't like jogging, don't jog! If you don't like sit ups and such, don't do them! Anyway, got a bit sidetracked there. What I was saying is that I've never been a sporty person, but now that I've started to do something physical, I've suddenly noticed that I've started developing muscle. And that's new for me! Suddenly I have muscles in my arms that I can flex and show off, suddenly I have abs and I can climb up a rope with more ease than ever. Discovering these muscles and strength has been amazing and it has helped my self image loads! Because to me an ideal body isn't all about weight and the size of your waist. It's also about what your body is capable of. I'd rather be "fat" and strong than skinny as a Barbie doll and not able to lift a branch. Never forget that your body has more functions than just looking pretty. Your body is your vehicle, your engine and your home. You wouldn't want to drive a car that has flat tires and no fuel and you wouldn't want to live in a house that is falling apart around you. Sorry for the cheesy metaphore, but it's true. So don't let your body collapse around you either.

It's a shame how limited and one-sided the idea of beauty has become. The social brainwash is so powerful that even I keep forgetting not to belittle myself. Sometimes I slip out a negative remark of my body before even realising it. It's a force of habit. And imagine in a convo with friends someone said "Gosh, my thighs are so fat" and instead of saying "well so are mine" I'd say "I really like mine!" The looks I would get! And people's ears are so clogged with their fixed ideas of beauty that no matter how many times you assure them they look gorgeous, they don't register it. When someone says "I'm so ugly" and you say with all honesty "No you're not!" they don't believe you. That's what everyone says, the obligatory response. It doesn't occur to them for a fleeting moment that we might actually mean it. And it drives me crazy. As if it weren't cruel enough that there are actually people who can tell someone else they look ugly (which I, by the way, can never understand. How do those people sleep at night?), people are also starting to say that about themselves. And that's okay? How has this world come to this, I have to wonder. I'd love to be able to travel back in time into those days when the bigger and curvier you were, the more beautiful you were considered. I'd take a modern day magazine to them and say "This is what ideal women look in my day". I'd love to see their expressions. Because that's all these ideals are - passing fads. Who knows, maybe 200 years from now "fat" is considered beautiful again. Maybe then skinny girls will get all the shit and shame. I feel sorry for them if that's the case, but it's an interesting thought. People seem to think the consept of beautiful is fixed and forever, but that is definitely not the case. Maybe some day beautiful will stop being the privilege of mannequins and barbie dolls and start belonging to everyone. That'd be the day.

I don't have a magic wand that could make everyone see how beautiful they really are. I don't have any words that would make the media see some reason and change their ways and I have no right to tell anyone how to treat and feel about their body. But I have a despreate, utopistic hope that I could at least help someone somewhere realise that they are beautiful too. The benefit of doubt that there might be more to beauty than what is on the billboards and glossy magazines. We're all hidden behind our computer screens and thus I can't say this face to face to you, but let me assure you that whoever you are, wherever you are and whatever you think about yourself and me, you are damn gorgeous! And you know what? So am I.

Getting back on my feet...

2011-11-19T23:35:00.000+02:00

Hey guys! Just quickly announcing that Alicious is slowly getting back on its feet! My update pace will probably be slow, still, but I'm trying to get a grip :D As you can see I've changed the layout (it's still work in progress so expect it to change even more in the future) and the name of the blog too! We're no longer Alicious, it's The Impossible Girl now! (In honour of a great song of the same name by Kim Boekbinder)

And I'm also getting started with active vlogging, so keep an eye on my YouTube channel! Here's a few previews:

So yeah, just popped in to say I'm trying to shape up and write more soon! :D

Love,
Sally

Time-out!

2011-10-24T20:51:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Kai Altair - The Calling

Yeah, okay, here's the deal.
I have been shamefull lazy with my blog for a long time now. Pretty much all year, I could say, seeing how I haven't blogged even half of the amount I wrote last year... So yeah. I know I'm technically not writing this for anyone else and there is no limit of how little or much I should blog, but the lack of updates and my lazy pace of updating has started to stress me out. So to prevent more stressing out I think it's time I officially declare a little break from blogging. I love blogging and I love reading other peoples' blogs, but as of lately I just don't feel like anything worth writing is really happening in my life. My social life is a joke, I'm lazy with taking pictures, I rarely buy anything worth showing, I haven't created anything in ages... Basically, I have nothing to blog about. My daily life is wake up, go to school, come home, sit on the computer, watch Doctor Who, go to bed and repeat. Oh, and some hooping occasionally. But yeah, it's not really something I want to fill my blog with. I don't have any major crisis to angst about but neither do I have any splendid happenings I could write about. In a nutshell: my life is dull. And because my life is dull, so is my blog. And if blogging is making me stressed it's time I take a break from it. I blog for fun and if it's not fun, I don't see why I should feel obliged to do it. So yeah, basically I'm going on hiatus.

I shall probably update something every now and then, but I'll mostly stick to other channels of self-expression, such as my Tumblr, my Twitter and even occasionally my YouTube! So keep tuned, I will not disappear from the internet entirely! :D If you come up with something you'd want me to blog about, please feel free to poke me somewhere and tell me! I'd love to get my blogging drive back and who'd be of better help than YOU, my lovely readers (who by the way are growing in number which is awesome! Hello!) You're my demographic and my audience and you're the people who care, so if you want to hear from me and if there's something you've wanted to know about me etc. then drop me a line and I'll see into it! (My Formspring is suitable for that, btw!)

So yeah, I guess that's that for now! See you later, dearest readers!

Oh, and before I go, have a video of me singing:

Ta!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Sally ♥

Drinking champagne to forget yesterday

2011-10-09T16:53:00.002+03:00

Now playing: Earl Bostic - Harlem Nocturne

~
I walk down the street, trying not to trip with my heels on the cobblestones.

It's chilly outside and my feet are cold.

I leave my coat at the lobby and enter the hall, filled with lights and lively chatter.

Music plays and bottles of champagne are being carried to the tables.

Ladies in fancy dresses and neat hairdos enter the room and sit with their companions.
I sit alone, gazing over the life around me.

Suddenly a waiter approaches me with a glass of champagne.

A lady from the group sitting next to me smiles and says "from all of us".

I thank them, touched by their kindness and turn my attention to the still empty stage.

I take a sip of my very first champagne, leaving traces of lipstick and glitter to the glass.

The show begins.

The bass replaces my heartbeat as a lady in black enters the stage.

I sigh in awe, eyes wide and with a smile on my lips.

This is where I belong.
~

So! I definitely do not want to forget yesterday because last night was amazing! There was an event called The Champagne Circus in Helsinki. The show featured a variety of performers; burlesque, hoopdance, fire acts, aerial acrobatics, singing... It was absolutely fabulous! I have never seen a show like that, it was simply marvellous! I can't decide which of the acts I liked the best, they were all spectacular. But I have to say I reaaallly enjoyed the hoopdance performances by Pippa the Ripper! Being a hooper myself I could really appreciate her skills, she was so full of energy and so creative! Gotta love it!

I also absolutely adored the burlesque performances by Lada Redstar, Lucky Hell and Missy Macabre! I have to get to that stage myself someday! The hostess of our show, Ophelia Bitz was also fucking amazing! She was funny, gorgeous and had a wonderful voice! The aerial acrobatics show by Amazing Ari was also phenomenal and I can only hope that one day I will be as good at aerial as he is :D So all in all it was fantastic! Also, I finally had my picture taken by the amazing Atelieri O. Haapala studio! I've wanted to get a photo by them for ages and now I finally got around to do it! You'll see the result once I get the picture myself :)

Lucky Hell

Anyway, that's that about The Champagne Circus! I'm now on fall break and next Saturday I will hopefully go to Suomi Burlesque Gaala, and I promise to tell you about that, if I otherwise fail to keep up with my blogging! So until then (or whenever I feel like blogging again xD), goodbye!

With a wink and some glitter,

Sally

Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground and feel the heat of the future's glow...

2011-10-02T18:40:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Marina & the Diamonds - Numb

I sincerely apologize for being so lazy with my blog again! Only one blog post in September, that's kinda embarrassing! But in my defence I've been really busy with school; I had two final exams in September and now that they are finally behind me, I might have more time to work on my blog.

Now I would like to take some time to reflect upon myself and how I have changed during the past year in the form of a blog challenge that I didn't get challenged to do, but will do anyway because I'm a fearless bastard. So here goes, me in autumn 2010 and autumn 2011!

2010

A relatively happy 17-year-old, art student, redhead. Single for some months, more or less happy with her life. Waiting for good things to happen, hoping for a change.

2011

A relatively happy 18-year-old, art student, redhead. In a "complicated relationship", more or less happy with her life. A little lost in life because of all the changes happened and yet to come, but at least doing stuff she loves.

As a whole I don't seem to have changed much. I can't picture my life one year ago very clearly, I just don't remember. But based on what I wrote in my blog back then I was slightly lonely, socially awkward and a bit bored with my life. I had lots of things I was passionate about, but they didn't touch my life in reality. I was pondering about my future (seems that some things never change...) and hoping for something interesting to happen. (My blog also had half the amount of readers it does now, so I guess my readership is growing steadily ;p Thanks for that!)

Now what has changed since then? Well, the things I used to dream about have gotten a huge bunch closer seeing how today I take circus classes, hoopdance on a regular basis and am going to start to bring my burlesque dreams into reality. Overall, I'm enjoying my life a lot more than I used to. I have friends and hobbies (ones that I find interesting, too!) and some substance in my life. Right now I feel I can truthfully say I am content with my life situation. But who knows. Maybe one year from now I will look back to these days and realise that in fact I was quite unhappy. I doubt it, but you never know. I guess it depends on what direction my life goes to in the future, and since there's no way to know that, I might as well not bother myself by thinking about it too much. Time will give me perspective, but as long as I feel somewhat happy with where I am now, I don't think I need to worry about it.

Happiness and dreams fulfilled bring me back to my entry's title and the subtle fire reference it includes. Because indeed there is fire in my heart again, for I got another opportunity to try fire hooping! :) Once again Noora generously let me borrow her hoop and thus enabled me to get my fix of fire again! She also borrowed me her LED hoop, which was super fun too! I'm seriously considering getting my own fire hoop or LED hoop because it's sooo much fun and I want to get to do it more often! Here's a video and some pics from our fire/LED session:

Spot me doing LED poi (0:33), LED hoop (2:00 and 3:40, the one with the blue/pink/white hoop!) and fire hoop (2:25, the girl in black hoodie) :D

Well, that's it for now, I should go study for my religion/ethics exam now... Bleh, I almost care. But oh well! It's really beautiful and autumn-ish outside, I really wish to have a photoshoot of some sort before all the leaves fall and it gets all dark and rainy... Anyhoo, I shall try to be more blog active in the future, but I apologise in advance if I get lazy :p

Ciao,
Sally

Aerial Dreams

2011-09-08T23:33:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Nightwish - Come Cover Me

Though it might still take a while before I'm able to do it quite as gracefully as Contessa, I am now finally on the road to be an aerial acrobat! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had my first circus class on Wednesday! I would've started the previous week already, but I had an orchestra concert so I couldn't make it for the first class. But I was there last night and boy, it was AWESOME! ♥ Now my muscles are aching like there's no tomorrow; I can barely lift my arms, not to mention my school bag, my fingers hurt when I bend them and more or less every other muscle in my body is screaming hallelujah, but I don't even care! :D

Even though I was probably the worst in our class, I couldn't do even the simplest physical exercises and now I hurt like hell, I felt so amazing, getting to finally do what I've dreamt of. I feel like I'm finally starting to shape my life into what I want it to be. I've quit my two long term hobbies - theatre and orchestra (we had an amazing Germany trip, by the way, I might write a few words about it later!) and I'm starting new exciting things like circus and, well, more hooping! :D This semester I'm also trying to finish my piano studies and then all doors will be open for me to start doing the hobbies I really want to do! I'll probably continue with the circus, maybe start belly dancing or pole dancing, going to take singing lessons, maybe some dance or even roller derby... I have no idea where I will be living and what I will be doing this time next year, which is of course scary, but I also know my life is in a turning point and soon it will be completely different. Terrifying, yet exciting!

Right now I'm on the verge of collapsing under school work (finals coming up in 2-3 weeks, practice finals tomorrow and Saturday, yikes!) and I'm really stressed about how I will do with my finals, but at the same time I feel so happy just to be alive. I'm 18, I have new hobbies, new friends and connections, new things coming my way all the time! I'm super stressed about finals, but at the same time I know that in 3 weeks they will be over and I will be more or less free for the next 5 months before the spring finals arrive :D I won't have that many courses in school and I will have more time to actually live my life! That doesn't sound too bad! Even the rainy, gloomy weather that predicts autumn coming can't bring my mood down. On the contrary, I adore this cool weather as opposed to the paralyzing heat in which I had to march in Germany. I burnt my chest so badly. IN SEPTEMBER!! So the rain and the cool weather are more than welcome. I don't even feel opressed about the upcoming looooong dark season. I can't wait for the leaves to start changing colour and for the brisk, chilly autumn mornings. Sure I probably won't be so thrilled about it when I have to wake up at 6 am to complete darkness, but I will not worry about it yet.

Anyway, now I must go sleep so that I will be awake and alert for my practice finals tomorrow :D Wish me luck! I hope my muscles won't hurt this much tomorrow or I won't be able to hold the pen...

Love and aerial dreams,
Sally

Belated birthdayness + weekend fun!

2011-08-15T13:58:00.004+03:00

Now playing: Birdeatsbaby - Through Ten Walls

Hello, hello! I figured since it's not been one week since my birthday, it's time to present some splendid presents I got and also other things I have bought recently! :)

A birthday present from my girlfriend: Birdeatsbaby cd and sheet music of the album Here She Comes-a-Tumblin'

DVDs and BluRays! Dad upgraded our tv equipment and I want to get lots of movies now! As probably is apparent despite the finnish titles, the movies are: BBC's Pride & Prejudice (tv-series), Tangled, Burlesque and Coraline!

Perhaps the most awesome birthday present for an 18-year-old: Disney colouring books! :'D My sister is awesome!

Amazing present from my friend Iiris, an authentic mask from Venice!

And then some self-bought not-quite-birthday-presents! But there's always some occasion to justify buying nice things to yourself, right? :p

A dvd of the amazing musical Rent! I hadn't seen this before but it was on sale for mere 3€ at a second hand market so I had to get it. I've watched it 3 times in a row now and cried like crazy. Love it so much!

A slightly ragged but still good paperback of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice! For just 50 cents, too! Also second hand.

Also, here's another self-bought present: a new hula hoop! :D This is my 7th now...

Here's a couple of pictures of the hoop being in use last night:

Oh, I also made my debut in night club life on Saturday :D Since I'm now 18 I get to go to bars and night clubs - not that it matters much because I don't even drink - and of course I had to immediately get to a certain gay bar in the centre of Helsinki, called DTM! Iiris was kind enough to accompany me there (we had also been to the second hand market in the morning) and we did have a great night, though we were there quite early and it was pretty quiet. :D Next time I'm taking my hoop and will hijack the empty dance floor for hooping purposes! >:DD

A horrible quality mirror photo of us in DTM's bathroom xD We just had to take one!

Anyway, this turned out to be a pretty image-centered post, but I guess it's nice to have some of those too every now and then :p Oh, also I have a question:

Would you be interested in me doing proper reviews of some of the movies/books I've recently watched/read/generally like? If you would be, let me know and I'll see into it sometime soon!

Ps. Check out this amazing new song and music video from one of my favourite bands, Birdeatsbaby! ♥

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs...

2011-08-12T12:56:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Christina Aguilera - I'm a Good Girl (Burlesque Soundtrack)

Hello, hello! It is August now and I am officially an "adult" now. Or legally, at least, since I'm determined never to grow up! >8D Anyway, I'm happy to be adult 'cause there's a bunch of things I've wanted to do but have not been old enough to do 'til now. But now the doors are open for me in many directions, and I'm excited to see what way I'll go! For example I am going to plunge into the world of burlesque at the end of this month, most likely. And already this week I'm going to do some of the things I've wanted to do once 18: donating blood (well, attempting to donate blood... >_<) and go to a gay club called DTM in Helsinki on Saturday. Not that I even drink or anything, I just want to go have fun with my friend, with whom we've been planning this for some time now. So anyway, yay I'm an adult, life is fun.

Also, wow, I just noticed my blog has reached 100 followers!!! So amazing, I'm absolutely thrilled! I'll try to arrange a special giveaway or something in the nearby future! So keep tuned!

Now back to the title (which is not meant to insult anyone with the name of Amy, it's referring to the amazingly grim illustrated alphabet by Edward Gorey) and the original subject of this entry. An idea used in many blogs but it's fun so who cares: The Alphabet of my life! ...or something! :D

Alice in Wonderland

Obvious A is obvious. But I can't help it, Wonderland is an important theme in my life - as you can tell from just looking at the blog's title. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is most likely the one story that has inspired my art and style the most. I've explained this a million times over so I won't linger on the subject for too long but I'll just say, in a nutshell, that I find the whole idea of alternate realities, craziness blending with fairytales and the whole 'falling down a rabbit hole' -thing. It's never-endingly enchanting and inspiring and thus I think it's justified to give Alice my first letter of the alphabet.

Burlesque

One of my favourite Finnish burlesque performers, Pepper Sparkles

I feel a bit phoney, making burlesque such a big deal since I've never even gotten the chance to see a whole burlesque show live (if you don't include Veronica Varlow's fan dance at the gig) not to mention being on stage myself, but I'm still not lying when I say that it's one of the most important goals in my future. It's one of the things driving me on and giving me something to fight for and look forward to. Many of my idols have to do with the burlesque world and genre, and I really want to be a part of it myself some day. I already have many burlesque events marked in my calendar and I can't wait to go see my first show! It's gonna be amazing!

Circus

Heh, what a coincidence that the other major future dream is right in the next letter! So yeah, pretty much the same deal as it is with burlesque. I absolutely love circus, especially contemporary circus! I'm not a big fan of the old elephants-and-bearded-women -kind of circus (though it certainly has its charm too, e.g. in the book Water for Elephants. I highly recommend it!), but I'm a crazy admirer of such modern circus groups as Lucent Dossier Experience and Cirque Mechanics! And my dream/goal to be a circus performer is already one step closer, because in the end of this month I'm starting to take circus classes in Circus Helsinki! I will focus on acrobatics and spesifically aerial acrobatics! I'm so excited, as you can imagine! Also diligently practicing with the hoop (getting a new one tomorrow, yayy!) and trying to learn other such circus skills, for example poi. So yeah, my yearning for circus is going to get some fulfilment soon, which is awesome! I hope to have my own circus troupe some day, or at least be part of some fantastic group ^^ Maybe one day!

Drawing

Obviously so. I mean, drawing has to play quite a big part in my life seeing how I am in art upper secondary and all xD But sadly I really haven't drawn much lately because I'm suffering of an unbelievable "art-block". Quotation marks because the problem this time is mainly me being overly critical of my own art and having zero patience for practice and learning. I have lots of inspiration and ideas in my head, and I get this exact idea of how I want everything to look, and if it doesn't look perfect immediately as I start drawing, I get pissed off and ditch the whole thing. It sucks and I know I should get rid of that habit, but I just can't seem to do it. But oh well. I'm hoping I'll get my artistic flow back some day soon and can get drawing back to my life.

Emilie Autumn

There's no denying it: Emilie Autumn is definitely the one "celebrity" who has influenced my life the most. I fell in love with her music instantly when I first heard it and after that there was no going back. Emilie's music and character have influenced and inspired me greatly in pretty much all aspects of life: taste in music, clothing and art to mention a few. She has helped me broaden my scale of interests and through her forum I have met some of the best friends I have and also my girlfriend. Through her I got to know Veronica and thus got introduced to the world of burlesque. Through her I also got to know Maggie which made me get interested in hula hooping and circus. Truly, I owe this woman a lot. I'm maybe not quite as enthusiastic a fan nowadays as I was 2 - 4 years ago, but I still listen to her music almost on a daily basis and as I said, she has, in many ways, also indirectly changed the course of my life. So yeah, she definitely deserves to be on this list! She if anyone.

Family

An aspect of my life that is maybe not as clearly presented in my blog as some others, but that is undeniably a huge part of my life. I could cathegorize my family in two circles: the inner circle which is my family that I live with - my mother, father and older sister (who doesn't live home full time anymore because of studies), and then there's the outer circle that includes all my cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. The family on my mother's side is especially dear to me; she has 4 sisters and 2 brothers and altogether I have around 7 cousins :D We keep in touch with our relatives pretty closely; we have family get-togethers, we spend time at our common family summer house and so on. My cousins, for example, were some of my best friends when I was a kid. I love having a big family that I'm close with, it brings so much more awesomeness to my life. My relatives are also my friends and I think it's great the whole kin gets along so well :)

Gay

As silly as it is to put "gay" on the list (trust me, it was partially out of desperation: do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with meaningful words that start with a 'g'? XD), I guess it's kinda true, especially if you stretch it into meaning gay rights, equality and such. I haven't ranted about it in a while, but you who have been readers of my blog for a longer while know that I feel quite passionately about the subject. And I guess it's natural since it touches my life too. I've been following the government's ~~battle~~ discussion over the gay marriage subject, and it just gives me a headache to think about all the idiots who are still clinging to their bibles claiming it's sinful and disgusting and wrong. Silly, silly people...

Hoopdance

Ah yes, hoopdance ♥ You've all heard me babble about this quite a few times so I don't think it needs much explanation. For some year now I've been hooping diligently and I don't see the end of this hobby :) In fact, I'm getting a new hoop today! I'll try to remember to post pictures! Not only is hooping fun, but through it I have met many amazing people and it's broadened my world unbelievably much. During the 6 months I've been hooping with other people, I have had some awesome experiences such as the hoopdance weekend camp, firehooping and so on. It just brings me such endless joy. Hoopdance is so amazing, because you can always get better at it. There are always new tricks to learn and you can just feel how quickly you improve. It's amazing and I highly recommend you guys give it a shot if you get a chance to!

Inspiration

Another cheap escape, but I guess this qualifies, whatever I try to mean by this :D Well, I guess I could put it that way, that I constantly seek beauty and inspiration around me in things I see, hear and experience. Inspiration is fuel to my artistic passions, inspiration is to have something you want so bad that you would do anything to achieve it. I'm inspired by many, many things in my life, and I guess I could say it makes my life a lot more interesting and pleasant.

Just now I can't come up with anything here! Will update later if I come up with something! :'D

Kai Altair

I try my hardest not to put too many individual persons or artists or anything on this list, because that's not the point of this list, but goddamn it it's difficult to find English words that start with a 'k' XD So as another cheap escape, I'm including some other things under this title as well. Kai Altair is definitely an amazing artist, there's no doubt about that, but to me she also represents the magic and mystery that I try to seek in life. Kai is the one who brought the spark of magic to my life philosophy and that is why she is important to me as more than "just" an artist. It doesn't come naturally to me to find magic and enchantment in life - I guess I tend to be a bit too cynical for that from time to time. But Kai has helped me regain some of my faith in the mysteries of the world, which I think is awesome. Also she's a total sweetheart! ♥ I've also made some amazing friends among her fanbase, which is super!

Love

Cliché warning! But who cares x) Love is the drug for meee and so on :p I don't know if I'm a romantic person or not, it's definitely hard to say. It depends so much on what aspect of romance we're talking about. I love romantic movies (well, some of them; Moulin Rouge makes me cry like a baby, but romantic comedies bore me to oblivion) and classic love stories such as Pride and Prejudice (especially BBC's 1995 tv-series with Colin Firth xP) really get to me. And I myself do seek love in life very eagerly. But I don't know. Maybe you should ask my girlfriend xD But yeah. Apart from actual partners I love all my friends (moosh ♥) and family, of course. I also like to express my love with lots of cuddles, kisses and general closeness. I'm definitely a very cuddly person and I love hugs ^^ I used to be very paranoid when it came to making friends and even being with older friends, but I think I'm slowly starting to get over my insecurity and to have the courage to get attached to people without the fear of them faking attachment and then stabbing me in the back. It's good to be able to trust again, because - as was said in Moulin Rouge - without trust there is no love :p ♥

Music

Obviously. I live for music, seriously xD Not a day goes by without me listening to music. I carry my iPod everywhere with me (though it has painfully small amount of songs in it, it's only 1.6 GB) and whenever I'm alone, I listen to music, more or less. Right now I'm blasting Abney Park, because I'm drawing a steampunk-ish picture and it's good background music for that. Most of my favourite movies are musicals and I take pride in my wide taste in music. Pretty much anything from french electro pop to heavy metal goes. My taste in music varies from classic (and less classic) violin music to industrial, from Japanese pop to alternative rock. The only genres of music I'm - as a general rule - not too fond of; hiphop/rap and country :D But almost anything else goes. If I started listing all my favourite bands and artists, this entry would end up being a mile long, so maybe I won't go there. I'll dedicate a separate post to them. But music is definitely very very important to me. I listen to music, I play and sing music, I (try to) create music. If I went deaf, I don't think it would take long before you'd find me bashing my head to a wall. I need music to survive, that's just how it is.

Nature

I am a city girl, in a way, but there's no denying that I do love nature as well. Some of my friends can't understand how I can enjoy spending a week at our family summer house in the middle of the forest with no computer, tv or even an indoors bathroom, but I really like it there - believe it or not. That's one of the best things about living in Finland - we do have some great nature here. Nothing to brag about on Discovery Channel, but certainly enough to keep me happy. I love our forests and lakes. When I was a kid I used to run around the forests at the summer house with my cousins and sister, swordfighting and playing. We had amazing stories and our imagination was unlimited. Even at Easter when it was snowy and cold, we would run to the ice of the frozen lake, run across the lake swordfighting and generally having fun. It's a shame we don't really do that anymore. But even without all that I can enjoy the nature around me. And while I do like living close to the capital of Finland and having the chance to go to school there and go shopping there, I really couldn't survive if I didn't have the chance to - from time to time - get away from the city life and spend some time in the middle of some trees and water.

Oh dear, seems I can't come up with anything for this letter right now! :o

Pets

Ever since I was, like, 5 years old, we have had pets. In early 1999 we got our first dog, Kainhov Honey aka Iitu. She was a really nice dog (she sadly died 1½ years ago) but because she was a rather big dog, me and my sister - small kids at the time - couldn't play or walk with her much. So in 2003, when I was 10, we got our second dog, Tuisku (on the left in the photo). She is mine and my sister's very own dog, and she's absolutely adorable. She's about to turn 8 years this month and she's still very healthy and lively, maybe a bit more cranky - especially ever since we got our 3rd dog (at the time Iitu had already died so there's still just two of them), Kainhov Neferti aka Isla (on the right). Isla is from the same kennel as Iitu and naturally the same breed too. Isla can be a real menace from time to time, but she's absolutely charming at the same time. She's just a bit over a year old, we got her last June :) I do love our dogs and I could not imagine life without them. And even living with just one dog seemed so weird! After Iitu died, for the next six months we only had one dog and the house felt so empty! I do love other animals too, and might one day get myself a cat, but I definitely love our dogs very much! ♥

Question is, can any of you actually come up with a sensible word that starts with a 'q'? XD

Reading

Alongside with movies and music, books are another important form of escapism for me. Ever since I learned to read (which was pretty early, I think) I've loved to read, and I read more or less every day. I can read the same books again and again - even I have lost count of how many times I've read, say, all the Harry Potter books... :D But I did count how many books I read last week when I was at the summer house :D I think the final count was 16 books in 7 days... xD So yeah, that tells you something about my reading habits, I guess! So basically: I love books, they make me happy and I could not survive without them :)

Steampunk

Kato, one of my greatest (fashion) icons ♥

Steampunk is undeniably my favourite style in, well, quite many things actually. Steampunk-ish clothing, music (Abney Park ♥), and generally steampunk-inspired thingies are all very much to my liking ^^ I love the whole idea of the aternate reality of the victorian industrialization. I wish I had the money or skills to get myself some proper steampunky clothing, but alas, for now it's only a dream :) Oh well, some day I'll get/make myself a proper steampunk outfit!

Theatre

One of my most long-lasting hobbies is acting. Well, not anymore since I just quit this spring, but I've been doing it since I was 9 years old - that's 50% of my whole life! - so I think it qualifies as a long-lasting hobby. I never thought - still don't - of myself as a brilliant actress; I was average at the best, but I still enjoyed acting a great deal. It was amazing to every now and then get the chance to be someone completely else than your everyday self. I don't think I've ever actually dreamed of taking up acting as a job - I never thought myself skilled enough for that - but as a hobby it was definitely enjoyable. I learned a lot about body language and using my voice and overall my self-confidence grew and I made some good friends. And now that I don't act myself anymore, I still love to go see plays (seeing one today!) and musicals very much!

Ugh, no clue about 'u' either! Sorry!

Veronica Varlow / VKA

Well, there's no denying it: alongside with Emilie Autumn, Veronica Varlow is definitely another "celebrity" who has influenced my life greatly! I know I've already talked in length about how awesome she is in some of my earlier posts, but a little more won't hurt, I guess! ^^ It is simply unbelievable how much she has helped me on in my life. She's taught me to go for my dreams, be confident in my own skills and abilities and generally to get more out of my life :) She's a fantastic burlesque performer and absolutely amazing person! She keeps in close touch with her fans and she is not one single bit arrogant or unkind. Ever. And her fanbase - Veronica's Kissing Army - is just amazing. I've made many friends from my fellow soldiers and we're all just so awesome, if I may say so myself :p I'm so happy and proud to be part of that amazing group honouring that amazing woman! ♥

Writing

My love in the written word does not limit to reading alone. I also love to write stuff myself! Already as a kid me, my sister and my older cousin started writing our own "books". I think I was around 8-9 when I started doing it, and haven't really stopped ever since. None of us has yet finished a book, but maybe one day :p I also love writing short stories and novellas and sometimes even poems, though they're usually crap x) But all the same, I love writing. It's one of my artistic outlets and I think it's so much fun. I love being able to create my own characters and phots and then actually managing to write them down :D I'm really hoping some day I'll be able to write a whole book and get it published :)

Aaand because I have nothing to put to the last letters of the alphabet, I'll just leave it to that :p I don't know if this list was even relatively interesting, but at least it was fun to put together! Now to get ready for hairdresser's! Yooosh!

Ps. Oh, and before I forget again, pictures of my new necklaces that I bought in Belgium!

A pink/black locket with a cute bunny and a little bow! And inside there's a little note with messages from everyone that was in Belgium with me :)

My gorgeous pocket watch necklace! It's an actual functioning clock, too! Love it! ♥

Love,
Sally ♥

Plague Picnic 2011

2011-07-29T02:17:00.001+03:00

Now playing: Emilie Autumn - The Ballad of Mushroom Down

As I promised, here's my blog entry of the Finnish Emilie Autumn fan meet-up, The Plague Picnic, that I organized! It's an annual thing and this was the second time it's been held. :) The meet-up was held in a park whose name translates to "Plague Park", hence the name of the meet-up :D (For those who don't know, EA fans are often referred to as "Plague Rats" and spreading word about Emilie is referred to as "spreading the plague", that's why I originally chose that park to be the location!) The Finnish muffins (another word used for EA fans) are truly amazing people and I love bringing us all together by arranging this meet-up :) It has been somewhat a success these two times and I'll be definitely organizing more in the future! It was so much fun to meet many of my old muffin friends and make new ones too! Weather was amazing (though website threatened otherwise) and we listened to EA, made faerie wings, drank tea and ate muffins, chatted and had fun for one amazing afternoon! I also dragged my girlfriend along with me, though she's English and couldn't understand a word, poor thing :P Anyway, here are some pictures from this year's meet-up!

Yummy muffins!

I also arranged a faerie wing workshop!

My faerie wings!

Me hooping! :)

A group photo! (Unfortunately 2 people had left already at this point D:)

And here's the video collage + message to Emilie herself that I put together from the meet-up! :) Enjoy!

With love and cupcakes,
Sally

And suddenly... International Chat Meet-Up 2011!

2011-07-28T19:53:00.002+03:00

Now playing: Birdeatsbaby - Hymn

Hello, hello, ladies and gentlemen! Sorry for my absence in the blogworld! I've been in Belgium since last Thursday and my girlfriend was here for the whole week before that so I haven't had much time or chances to blog! An entry about The Plague Picnic II from a couple of weeks ago will come later once I have time to put together a video of it. But first I will get this one out of the way! Watch out, loads of pictures and such ahead!

So! Last Thursday me and Wolfey (my girlfriend) headed off to Belgium for the International Chat Meet-Up - an annual gathering for a group of friends from all over the world. I have known some of these people for over 2 years and have met only a few of them, so it was really awesome to get to go to this year's meet-up in Leuven, Belgium. So on Thursday afternoon me and Wolfey got to Helsinki-Vantaa airport in order to take a plane to Belgium!

Killing time with Pata-fucking-pon (I suck at it)

Omnomnom, plane food (actually edible this time, hurrah!)

Things were fine up until we got out of the plane and had to take a train to Leuven. I had instructions to help us find the right train and get tickets etc., but because the airport was huge and we had to go up and down approximately one million escalators, we missed the direct train by pretty much seconds. And then we started pondering how to get tickets, because nothing was in English and thus we were confused. Also next train we were supposed to take had a different name from what we had been told so we didn't take it and so we ended up having to wait like 45 minutes for the next direct train. Oh joy. That meant more Patapon sitting on the train station's floor.


I express my opinion of the trains and their timetables.

Well, eventually we did get to Leuven (without buying train tickets, hohoho) and people came to pick us up from the station. Our friends had checked us in to the hostel beforehand (because we got there after reception had closed) which had turned out to be a bit difficult: the hostel didn't want me to stay there simply because I was underaged. Eventually after calling my mom, making her email the hostel and so on they did let me stay and after that I had no trouble with them.

Our hostel - Leuven City Hostel

Now since I keep getting mixed up with what happened on what day, I'll keep the main focus on pictures and trying to my best ability to explain what's going on in them :D


People in a park on Saturday ♥

Getting bitten/kissed by Becky and Sophie ♥

More people in a park, this time on Sunday

Me randomly biting Gigi :D

Cuddle puddle!

Me and Sophie ♥

Group photo!

Locked up for a reason? XD (at a library, I think)

Me and my girlfriend and The Hot(ch) Kiss School!

Me and Gigi!

Me and Sophie again, this time at a vegan restaurant

Stealing mah gf's ice cream! (It was super yummy!)

Pictures 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 7 © me

Pictures 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 and 16 © Kris Van de Sande

My extended weekend in Belgium in (more or less) a nutshell: Lots of awesome people, lots of cuddles, snuggles and huggles, homeless person hitting on me, another homeless person seizuring, awesome pub with a kick-ass waiter who bought us all drinks, eskimo kisses, nice hostel with assholey staff, some bondage lessons (:D), making new friends and re-connecting with old friends, lots of milkshakes and no alcohol (for me), some tiredness and drama caused by it, wonderful susprises, stressful stressing, laughing my ass off most of the time, many cuddle puddles, many feathers, lots of food, awesome shops and buying cool jewellery (pictures of which will come later!), and much much more!

All in all, it was super amazing and I miss everyone terribly! I hadn't been in contact with many of these people just before the meet up because of stupid drama and thus I had been kinda nervous about going there, but I'm glad I did because it was amazing and I had so much fun! Now I'm trying to get used to solitude after spending 12 days with either just Wolfey or Wolfey + 20 other people... :D Now I'm trying to get back to being by myself and not having to talk English all the time xD Huzzah! ♥ I'll try to put together a video and a blog entry about Plague Picnic before I'm off to the summer house next week, but I'm kinda busy right now, so I humbly apologize if I don't make it in time!

Kisses and lots of love to all,

Sally

There's a fire starting in my heart

2011-07-14T01:29:00.001+03:00

Now playing: Scandinavian Music Group - Joet, korvet, niemet

Don't you just love it when dreams come true? When the thing you've been aching to do for - let's see - 2 years, 3 months and 22 days (yes, I know this precisely) is finally done. I don't know about you, but in my experience that feels pretty damn good.

On March 21st, 2009 when Emilie Autumn's Gate II Tour had just started, I remember sitting on the computer, watching the first videos of the tour from YouTube. One of the first videos to be uploaded was this:

That was the first time I saw Maggie's fire hoop dance - and the first time I saw fire hooping altogether, I think. It hit me like a lightning. First thinking "Oh my god, that looks so amazing, can't wait to see that live" (Which I never did, which sucks) and then "I. Want to. Do that". That was the kick that made me get my first hula hoop some year later. The ultimate thought behind my interest was: "One day I will be able to fire hoop like Maggie did" That was my great hooping goal since beginning, and tonight I finally did it. Of course not quite like Maggie, but I did it anyway!

I went hooping to a park with many hooping friends of mine, the centre of the session being fire and LED practice for hoop, poi and other such things. I don't have a fire hoop myself, but I got to borrow Noora's, and it was great! I was super hesistant at first, but then I just thought "fuck it, I'll do this" So fire was set to the hoop and I picked it up and started spinning it. The fire hummed and crackled around me and I could feel the heat and see the flames spin around me. First thought was: "I hope the sprinkers are still on so I can run there if I catch fire". Second thought was: "Wow, this makes a lot of noise". And third thought was: "Oh my GOD I'm actually doing this!!" After that the thrill basically took over the fear and I started really enjoying it. I didn't get much done with it on the first run before the fire in the torches died. But I lit them again and once I got used to it, I started daring trying some tricks too! I actually got to the point where I had the courage to jump through the hoop! Eeee!

I left the park after 11 P.M. and walked to the train station with a huge grin on my face. I just couldn't believe I had actually done it! That there had been four burning torches spinning around my waist and hands. That I had finally done what I had dreamt of doing for over 2 years. It felt amazing! I was so happy and I couldn't shake the enthusiastic smile during the whole way home. It was almost midnight and I was sitting in a train, overflowing with joy. I feel like the burning hoop set fire to my heart as well; a burning desire to do it again and get better at it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to get myself a fire hoop... :p After that there's gonna be no stopping me. I'm on fire!

Reason for pride

2011-07-02T20:19:00.002+03:00

Now playing: MIKA - We Are Golden

Sun shone on my face. My flag was waving in the small breeze. I jumped to the music and lifted my hands in the air. I smiled at everyone I saw, smile at the pure bliss I felt. I blew kisses at people driving by and grabbed my friend's hand. I was happy, I was proud.

Me and my epic VKA flag ♥

Crying like a waterfall in my bed last night I could not imagine it possible for me to achieve such happiness just a dozen of hours later and yet that's exactly what happened. Why? Today was the day of Pride Helsinki 2011. This was the first time I could make it to the parade, and it was seriously amazing. I met up with my friend Iiris and her friends at noon at the train station then walked to the square where people gathered before the parade. It was amazing to see all those people gathered together under the burning sun. Gathered together to show support to a common cause. The atmosphere alone made me smile. I couldn't help but to smile looking at all the people sporting rainbow coloured clothes and accessories, people smiling, dancing and singing along the loud up-beat music blasting from one of the trucks. I smiled, knowing no one here judged one other.

Iiris ♥

We hanged around the square for 1½ish hours. The parade itself started a bit late, but it was so much fun all the same! Thousands of people walking, marching and dancing down the big streets of Helsinki. We waved our flags, showed our banners, sang along to Lady Gaga, Madonna and eurovision songs (to mention a few), screamed and cheered. People standing by watched us, smiled at us, photographed us and cheered at us. The sea of rainbow coloured flags, banners and balloons was a thrilling sight. The only thing slightly ruining the experience was the constant little feeling of nervousness; what if someone attacks the parade like last year? Thankfully nothing bad happened and we could march along safely.

When we arrived to the park where the outdoors concert and picnic would be held, me and my friends quickly ran to shadows to hide from the burning sun. Then me and Iiris took off to go buy food and especially something to drink because the heat was staggering. Once everything was bought and foods and stuff were fetched from the lockers on the train station we gathered together for a picnic. The picnic was amazing. We had everything you could possibly imagine wanting to eat on a summery picnic; everything from rainbow coloured salad (with colourful pasta and heart-shaped peppers) and rainbow coloured cupcakes to strawberries and cherries. We ate ourselves quite full and talked about all things possible - gay rights, human rights and porn, just to mention a few xD

The open-air concert was on the field a little further from our picnic location, but we could hear the music pretty well even to our spot, it was that loud. The first performers didn't appeal to me that much so I didn't go to listen - we had better music ourselves and we could still hear it fine enough as it was - but later one of my favourite Finnish bands, PMMP, got on the stage I just had to go give it a better listen. So after hesitating for a moment I took off to the heat and the crowd to get to see the band properly. I didn't get that close to the stage, but I could still see them (though they were almost emerged in the sea of soap bubbles that were blown to the air) and hear them play which was great! ♥ They played many of my favourite songs and they sound amazing live. I only listened to a few songs in the audience before the heat and volume got to me and I returned to our picnic location. It didn't matter much because we could still hear the music perfectly. But I'm glad I got to jump and scream and sing along in the crowd at least for few songs :) When they played my favourite song - that also fit the theme of the day - I swear I had goosebumps throughout the whole song! It was amazing!

I got that close, at least :D PMMP's other singer, Mira, on the right

Then it was already time for me to head home. But this was seriously one of the best days in a long, long time. Amazing. Simply hear-warming. ♥ See you next year!

Hoop your worries away

2011-06-14T17:47:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Anna Puu - Kaunis päivä (and again, whatever is on the radio)

If there was a description for "perfect weekend" in dictionaries, I think it would be something along these lines: "A period of 2-3 days spent in a lovely place, doing the things you most love with people you like and in good weather. No stress included, happiness guaranteed" Oooor if they wanted to go for a shorter description, they could sum it up to: "MoodforHoop - Hoopyweekend 2011" because that's what it was. A perfect weekend.

First a little bit of history. The chain of events that led to this perfect weekend begins somewhere around February/March 2011. Back then I had already hooped for a while, but I had no one to hoop with and I wasn't making much progress. At the same time I was being kinda bummed about not getting to take part in our school prom, so my mom tried to come up with something to cheer me up, and she asked if I wanted to get one or two private lessons in hooping. I said sure, if she could find any. We started searching and stumbled upon MoodforHoop. I emailed Merilei, a hoopdance performer and teacher and asked her if she was giving lessons and if I could participate. She adviced me to come to a HoodanceJam - a small gathering for hoopdancers to practice together and meet other hoopers. As nervous as I was, I agreed to go, and it was really fun! I felt like a complete failure compared to everyone else there, but it gave me the spark to practice more and showed me how good I could get. After that I went to as many HoodanceJams as I could and improved and got more confident. I think it was in April when Merilei told me that she was arranging a weekend camp for hoopdancers and there was still room to enroll. I asked my mom who said yes, and thus the waiting began!

So finally last Friday it began. I dragged my bags and hoops to work, spent the day in nervous excitement, and then it was finally time to leave work and take a tram downtown to the meet-up point to catch my ride. I got together with Serena and Jenni. Then we went to pick up Merilei and Katzku, bought food for the weekend and off we drove! After standing still ín a traffic jam for a while and driving around we found the place and got out of the car. Most of the people were already there and so we arrived to a group of happy hoopers sitting on the grass of a beautiful countryside garden. We hanged around for a while (trying our best to keep safe from the masses of mosquitoes patrolling around), waiting for everyone to arrive, and then we started our first workshop. The subject of the first lesson was sustained spinning, a hooping technique that includes a lot of spinniiiiiiiiiiing as the name suggests. So we spent the evening spinning around in the staggering heat trying to not get nauseous :D Spinning turned out to be a surprisingly sweaty sport, and so afterwards a few of us went swimming to the close-by lake :D Wasn't too pleasant a shore, but at least it was cool! After going to the trouble of getting refreshed, we went back to hoop ourselves all sweaty again! Huzzah! We hoopdanced in the attic 'til midnight, when some of us - me included - went back to the cottages to (eventually) get some sleep, some stayed outside to chat and hang around for a bit longer. Anyway, it was still hot as ever in our room, but at least I slept pretty well.

On Saturday morning we woke up around 9 am and went to get some breakfast. We got breakfast from the main house (which was delicious) and then we had a couple of hours of free time before the first workshop of the day. The day was stunningly hot again, and so we spent the morning sunbathing on the field, hooping a bit and just enjoying the nature and weather. Sadly nature and I were not in good terms that weekend. Not only did I get eaten by a thousand mosquitoes, I also got pooped on by an angry bird whose nest was above our room's door and who did not appreciate us invading their territory. But oh well. I also bought a new hula hoop from Merilei (MoodforHoop) and had Noora put feather extensions to my hair. :)

Circus ponies prancing proudly, Kati's workshop

Because the weather was so hot we had Merilei's and Kati's (Hoop-A-Trix) workshops outside in the garden. In Merilei's workshop we got to hoopdance freely and she helped us individually with anything that we wanted to practice. Then we had a small break and after that was Kati's workshop that focused on the dancey part of hoopdance. We first walked, jumped, pranced and flew around taking the role of whatever Kati told us to be. Circus ponies, butterflies, giants and dwarves for example :P After that we picked up our hoops and continued with some technicalities. Kati taught us some separate tricks and moves and then the mission was to just dance, using those moves. It was super fun and effective and I really learned a lot. And really got bruised too, you should see the bruises on my legs, hands and hip bones :'D After Kati's workshop we went swimming again and then it was already time for sauna and bath... barrel thingy xD It was so much fun, the cool water felt amazing after the hot, sweaty hooping session. After sauna it was time to eat and hang around freely. Ilkka had made us some really yummy salmon and salad and such, it was delicious! Essi also taught me and Riika some poi, and it was fun though I constantly hit myself in the head with them xD Then we went back to the attic to hoop and I got to try Serena's LED HOOP! The evening was nothing short of heavenly. The night maybe not so much so, because I had run out of mosquito repellant (uh oh) and so sleeping was rather difficult with the room feeling like a tropical jungle - as hot, humid and full of insects. It was horrible. So I stayed awake whole night and still got bitten by bazillion mosquitoes >_<

My new hoop, Stardust!

Despite the horrible night the morning was beautiful. I dragged myself out of bed to get some practice, then crawled straight back and took a little morning nap to bring me back to life. At noon we had to be out of our cottages, so then we moved to spend time outside, chillin' and sunbathing 'til it was time to go. People started packing up and then it was time to gooo :( It was so sad to wave goodbye after the perfect weekend, but alas, we had to stuff ourselves and our hoops to the car and drove back to city. Dad came to pick me up from Pasila and drove me home. So the weekend was over and I was back home, boo :( Tormented by the mosquito bites and longing I sit and wait for next summer and next Hoopyweekend. Luckily I made lots of new friends that I can meet in HoopdanceJams during the year and I can always comfort myself by watching the amazing pictures and videos from the lovely, lovely weekend :) ♥

Here's Noora's video & photo montage of the weekend:

Stereotype me

2011-06-10T12:57:00.024+03:00

Now playing: Kings of Leon - Pyro (and whatever else is on the radio)

(First of all, sorry for the lack of images. All my photo-finding sites are blocked on my work computer)

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen! I am currently at work, but I'm having a lunch break, so I might as well spend my time doing something "productive" ;) Y'know, because actually doing my job isn't nearly productive enough :P

So yeah, as you just might've noticed, I have a summer job! Hurrah! For the next 4 (1st week is now behind me) weeks I'll be working as an office secretary person thingy in this one nice office in Helsinki. It pays pretty well, and though the job is pretty dull it's still A JOB and I'm super happy I got it! My first official job, mind you :) But anyway.

Since no one commented when I asked you what kind of blog entries you want to read from me, so haa haa, the joke's on you: I'm gonna keep on ranting! :D And what could be a better thing to rant about - again - than - let's say it all together: Homosexuality. Yayyyyy. This time especially the stereotypes concerning it. So allow me to present:

5 Most Annoying Stereotypes Conserning Lesbians
(Most of these go for homos as well, but I'm especially thinking about lezzie stereotypes)

1. "In a lesbian relationship the other one must be femme and other must be butch"

This one really irks me. I know where this stereotype originates from: it's the heterosexuals trying to fit gay couples in to the traditional pattern. Because typically there is one man and one woman in a relationship, in gay relationship the other one MUST be more feminine and the other one more manly. OF COURSE! ...only, no. I mean, the whole thing about being gay is that you like people of your own sex. So why would we want the other one to necessarily be as close to the opposite sex as possible? The thing is, that people have features and tendencies of both sexes, no matter whether they're gay or straight. Some heterosexuals women are more "guy-like", some homosexual women are really girly. And of course there are gay couples where the other one is seemingly more feminine/manly, but that doesn't have to apply for all. I really hate the relationship stereotypes no matter who they concern. It's like you said "men do all the hard work and fix things and women cook and take care of the kids." That's not the case in all straight relationships and neither is it the case in all gay relationships.

2. "Lesbians befriend boys easier than other girls"

Hmm... I don't know if there's any truth in this, but at least in my case it's not true at all. I can't say I have any boys as real life friends. Online friends, sure, but I don't have any real life male friends. Never had, really. I think the theory behind this stereotype is that straight girls love boys -> have girls as friends, so obviously lesbian girls love girls -> have boys as friends. This annoys me, because it connects to the other stereotype I absolutely loathe "Lesbians fall in love with every girl they see", to put it really stereotypically. Arghh, so ridiculous! Do straight girls fall in love with every boy they see? No. So why would that apply for lesbians?? That's also one of the most idiotic things people say when someone comes out of the closet. "I'm totally fine with that, just don't fall in love with me" or even worse: "Ew, and we've showered together after P.E., she's seen me naked!!1" That's the one that pisses me off sooo much. When someone says that, I feel like saying "Don't think too highly of yourself, dear - you're not THAT attractive". I mean, seriously. Lesbians don't go drooling over every female that they see on the streets. We have "our types" just like heterosexuals. And so to get back to the original stereotype I hate. I've always had more girls as friends and I don't fall in love with them. I don't feel comfortable around guys (which leads to my next stereotype, more about that soon). I've only ever been good friends and felt comfortable with one guy who sadly left my life because of me being stupid and messed up. I wish I still had him as a friend, because despite - or because, who knows - him being a guy, he was one of the best friends I've ever had. So I dunno. Maybe there's some truth to that, but I wouldn't say it's 100% true either. It depends.

3. "Lesbians are lesbians only because they can't find a man/are afraid of men/imagine they love their friends"

Wrooooong. This, too, is really stupid. I mean, I've had two boyfriends in my life (okay, one when I was 11) and I can tell that it's not my thing. Though I have to say, it's not set in stone that I will never ever date a guy. I mean, there are several men that I find really hot and handome and awesome, but I don't think I could ever get physical with a guy. Doesn't seem good to me. So yeah, maybe I'm afraid of men, if thinking that makes you feel better. But what does it matter? Do I have to have a reason to like girls better? And no, I don't imagine I love girls because I befriend them. I have girls as friends and girls I have a crush on, I can tell the difference. People say that when girls date girls in their teens, it's just a phase and they think they're lesbians because at that age boys seem so childish and unattractive. Perhaps so, but why is it bad? People experiment with their sexuality in their teens, it's perfectly normal. But it's disrespective to say it's just a phase and it'll pass and blah blah blah. It's really patronizing. I discovered I like girls when I was 15-ish years old. Maybe girls that age think it's cool or trendy to be gay, but trust me, it's not that special. And if it's just a phase then for me it's definitely still going on...

4. "Homosexuality is just like paedophelia/beastiality"

Nooooo, no no noooo. I HATE this stereotype. "Homosexuality and paedophelia are equal, you can't defend gays if you don't defend paedophiles as well!!1" "They're both unnatural sexual desires that one decides to have" Or as a certain Finnish politician put it: "If we allow men to marry other men, should we allow them to marry their dogs as well?" And these people we allow to rule our country... Sometimes people just sicken me. The best reply to that statement I heard on an animated tv-show and I think it's the best comeback line to that idiocy: "If you can't tell the difference between a relationship between two grown up people and beastiality, I suggest you never get a dog" I mean seriously! I like WOMEN! Gays like MEN! Where do children and animal fit in that pattern? If I want to date and have sex with a woman who also wants to date and have sex with me, who does that hurt? If someone wants to have sex with a child who doesn't want to do it, it's QUITE OBVIOUS that it hurts someone. If you can't tell those things apart, then perhaps you should go back to living in that barrell and leave us gays alone.

5. "Gays only think about sex"

This one probably originates from the times when homosexuality was still "rare" and disgusting and something unnatural. People used to think it was like paedophelia, some perverse twist of sexual desire. Like, a straight person wanting to have sex with a man. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with genuine emotions; love, caring and attraction, noooo. It was all about sex! It was as if gays just wanted to have sex with any man that happened to walk by. That was the general idea when AIDS first hit the tabloids. Sure it was homosexuals' fault; they have sex like rabbits and they're unnatural anyway! Haa haa, God punishes! Gah. I don't want to have sex with all the girls I see. I wouldn't want to have sex with any guy either, were I straight. We have emotions just like heterosexuals. The amount of time I spend thinking about lesbian sex is a lot smaller than the amount of time I spend thinking about my girlfriend in general. Silly stereotypes...

So yeah, those were the 5 stereotypes about homosexuality that popped in my mind first. I've spent wayyy too much working time on this entry, so it's back to work now! And soon it's off to HOOPYWEEKEND! ♥ See you next week, ladies and gents!

Love, Sally

Come down and join the circus...

2011-06-05T22:41:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Vermillion Lies - Circus Apocalypse

Come down and join the circus
It's the end of your world
Come down and join the circus
All you dead boys and girls
If you still have a pulse
We can remedy that
You can check your life
While you check your hat

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen! Last week we had the traditional school brunch day! In a nutshell: A day, when all the students can put up little brunch/picnic tables and hang around outside. Most people come up with a theme for their table and dress up and make food to that theme. Last year my group's theme was Victorian Burlesque" and it was rather awesome! This year me and my group decided to go for a little more creepy approach :P Enter Zombie Circus, a troupe of circus freaks who happen to be dead. This theme was very much to my liking seeing how I love both circus and zombies! Also fits very well to the song I quoted above, Circus Apocalypse by Vermillion Lies! Anyway, here are a few pictures of our brunch:

Me in my zombie attire


And as the knife in my head tells, I was the knife thrower's target!

...as you can clearly see!

Me and my zombie friends

Zombie picnic (with a living visitor!)

Lucky for her I had a crisp to eat

...she wasn't quite as lucky...

Alrighty, there was my photo collection of this happy event! Here's some theme-fitting music to enjoy :P And please, come see our show when we're in town ;) All you have to do is die...

General things + Circus circus circus!!

2011-05-27T14:11:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Nordman - Vandraren

Hey guys! Sorry for my absence, I've been busy, sick and then Blogger crashed on me. Gah. I have at least few entries coming up that I was planning to write earlier but couldn't since Blogger was being a bitch.

First of all I would like to start out with a question: Which kind of entries do you like to read from me the most? I am rather curious as to what kind of stuff you people like to read the most. The more personal rants (such as the ones about homosexuality and eating disorders), more random updates on what I've been up to, Top 10 -lists and other such review-like entries, or something completely different? Please let me know! I feel like I rant too much, but I can't help it, those things are important to me :D But if it chases all of my readers away, I'll think about the content of my posts a bit more :D ♥ Anyway, moving on!

So, maybe I'll combine a few posts together for you, to make life easier (..for me at least xD) Anyway! As I mentioned, I've been super busy lately. Exam week started on Monday, as did my theatre performances (okay, they started on Tuesday, but still). My exam week is pretty laid back this period, only two exams, which are both now behind me. But I still managed to build up an astonishing amount of stress for those, mainly because they were math and swedish exams and I hadn't learned a thing in math and generally suck at swedish. And to add to all the misery I got sick with flu immediately after my exams and theatre performances started. Grahh! So now I have a runny nose, never-ending headache and am feeling feverish. :< Oh, and as if that all wasn't enough, on Tuesday after our play's premiere, as I was prancing to get my own clothes and change out from my costume, I went and hit my foot to a doorstep. Really hard too. Go me! x__x As a result I broke the nail of my middle toe (if that's what it's even called xD) and it's been bleeding like hell ever since. Now it's finally starting to bleed less and I can almost walk without limping too. The nail is thankfully still intact and it's slowly getting better, so I'll see what happens when it's grown a bit. But yeah. My week has mainly consisted of plain stress, sickness and sadness. Not very nice.

The only exception to the Misery Week, on wednesday I went to see Cirque Mechanics: Birdhouse Factory with my mom. And sweet sugary jesus, it was mindblowing! Seriously!

As I'm sure you all have to know, I'm a major circus addict, and good thing for me that circus seems to be the thing of the year here in Finland. I know at least 4 (and mooore) circus troupes are coming to Finland during this year. And if they're all going to be as amazing as Cirque Mechanics was, we are in for a treat! And if there has ever been a shade of doubt of what I want to do when I'm all grown-up, there is no question about it now. I want want want to become a circus performer! Seriously. This show had my jaw hanging open half of the time; the other half I spent gasping, laughing, cheering and sitting in a complete awe. Biggest eye- and eargasm I've experienced in a while.


Their hula hooper was freaking phenomenal. Hooping and acrobatics combined = Sally is in heaven.

I am now even more hopelessly in love with contemporary circus. I want to be on that stage myself too! I want to be the one to make audiences gasp in amazement, make them laugh and cheer in admiration. I'm about to take the first step towards those stages any day now, by simply enrolling to Circus Helsinki. If my parents are favourable (and they should be, I've told them about this and they should be fine with it) I will start taking classes in acrobatics and hopefully some day specialize in aerial acrobatics! Hooping will of course be a part of my circus repertoire as well, I just bought the equipment to make more hoops! I haven't hooped in a while because of being sick, lazy and so on, but in two weeks there is a Hoopyweekend being held and I'm going there! Huzzah! A weekend full of hooping with amazing, skilled hoopers. Maybe a bit too skilled, I feel like a total loser ^^; Eek! But I'm excited anyway! I'm sure it will be fun! Now I just have to survive the last (!) week of school and then the first week at my summer job alive :P

That's Cirque Mechanics' promotional video for Birdhouse Factory.
The show has changed a bit since then, but it was still as amazing ♥
I wish they had a soundtrack of it, the music was amaziiiing!

Anyhooo! I think I will write another blog soon, in which I probably rant some more xD Aren't you glad? :D But oh well! Until then it's aloha! Hope I don't get more sick than this, I need my voice for the theatre performances!

Love and circusness,
Sally

Top 10: Movies

2011-05-14T15:55:00.003+03:00

Now playing: Indica - Viimeinen jyvä

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen! I am currently drowning in school work and the stress it's causing me, but hey, what's a better way to waste your time and NOT do any schoolwork than write a blog! Hoorray! I figured it's time for another Top 10 -listing, and since I have not yet made a list of my favourite movies it's time for that now! So here I go, my top 10 favourite movies. Listing up from 10.

10. Several Hayao Miyazaki movies

I couldn't decide which Hayao Miyazaki film to put here so I'll just put them all together. This is not to say they are not high on my list of fav movies but I figured it would be easier to put them pretty low on the list so I can spare the higher places for specific movies. The picture above is from Tonari no Totoro (My Neighbour Totoro), which is not necessarily my favourite Miyazaki anime, but I couldn't decide which picture to use so I thought that since everyone loves looking at Totoro I'll just put that there :p He's so cute <3 Anyway! I think my favourite Miyazaki films would be Nausicaä of the Valley of the Winds, Spirited Away and Laputa: Castle in the sky. Oh, and Howl's Moving Castle, too. See why I couldn't pick just one? I love them all so much! The stories are amazing and actually have a message and meaning unlike many movies made for kids. And that's the thing. Most of Miyazaki's movies are not just for kids, sometimes they are actually more for adults. They have environmental messages, anti-war statements and some pretty graphic fight scenes. Especially movies like Nausicaä and Princess Mononoke are definitely not plain kids films. Hell, even I had difficulties watching Mononoke and I just saw this this year and I'm 17 xD But yeah. His movies are ingenious and I love them allll! ♥

9. Several Disney films

Again, I can't choose just one, they all belong here (well... almost.) I chose a pic of Mulan because that's one of my absolute favourite Disney movies but it can't quite make it's way on this list. And because that picture is fucking cool! But I've gone through many of my favourite Disney movies in my Top 10: Disney women listing, so you can go there for more information on my fav Disney films. But I guess if I had to choose, my favourite Disney movies would be Treasure Planet (♥), Mulan, Pocahontas, Lion King, Hercules and Little Mermaid; Treasure Planet being the absolute number one. For more details about that one I direct you again to the Disney women -countdown I linked a couple of rows higher. It would also belong much higher on this list, possibly in top 3, but alas, all the Disney movies got stuck here. But I love them all! Like Tangled! I love Tangled, though I don't like the super digital animation style. Regarding style I love the one released just before that one, Princess and the Frog. The animation is freaking beautiful! So yeah. I love Disney. Always have, always will.

8. Girl, Interrupted

I just saw this movie for the first time couple of weeks ago, though I've heard many of my friends praise it a long time ago. I just hadn't gotten around to actually watch it. But luckily my girlfriend had it on her laptop so we watched it. I really liked this movie. As you know, mental institutions and "mad girls" attract my attention and movies and books about the subject matter are usually to my liking. I really liked the movie. There was this feel-good-film -feel to it in the beginning, but then halfway through things got dirty and it became pretty oppressive. But still very good film, I must say. I liked the characters, and Angelina Jolie is gorgeous (despite the massive lips), as is Winona Ryder. When you compare this to Sucker Punch (though it's hard to compare since they're so different) you can see how far you get when you focus on the characters instead of flashy graphics and expensive CGI. In Girl, interrupted I got attached to the characters, I felt for them and I was interested in seeing what would happen to them. Of course you can say that the girls in Sucker Punch weren't really "crazy" so it's a different thing, but you get my point. Very strong characters, good story and just generally really good movie. It was difficult to decide how high to put this on the list but it's such a recent discovery that it had to make ways for some of my all-time favourites.

7. Chicago

I have a serious thing for musicals. As you will come to notice when looking at this list, 90% of my favourite movies are musicals, animations or both. It's a thing. For example, many Disney movies would be a lot less enchanting without the amazing songs. And the same goes with non-animated films. The songs keep my attention and allow me to focus on the movie better. Often when watching movies that are NOT musicals I get bored at some point and lose my focus. In musicals it almost never happens. Of course it takes more than just music, it needs to have a good story, good actors and naturally the music has to be good as well. Chicago meets all these requirements. Chicago has a really nice story, some pretty kick ass actresses (I will not say anything about Richard Gere, though...) and really nifty soundtrack. This is also the only (movie)musical I have seen on stage, in London non the less! It was bloody awesome! But the movie is amazing too. All that glitter and jazz and hot women... x) Yum!

6. Phantom of the Opera

More musicals, yay! I was planning to go see the stage production when in London but we couldn't get tickets and went to see Chicago instead. Not that I mind, Chicago was amazing! Anyway, I really like Phantom of the Opera. It's one of those movies I've loved for a long time and I never get tired with it. The music is dazzling (definitely one of Andrew Lloyd Webber's best in my opinion), and the story, of course, very captivating. ...Plus Emmy Rossum is way gorgeous and sings very well. (I'm sorry, I do focus on beautiful women a lot, don't I? xP) I used to be a major Phantom fangirl, but nowadays I mainly root for Christine and Raoul, though Raoul is a pretty shallow and pompous guy x) But I guess I'd rather have him as well than the one - no matter how handome and skilled and sexy - who lives in the sewers, kills people to get to me and threatens to kill the man I love if I don't go to him. Nice guy, I'm sure we'd have a pleasant life together. >_< That's also why I absolutely despise the musical sequel Love Never Dies. What utter bullshit. Fans of this musical, do NOT see what it's about. You'll regret it. Or at least I did... Oh well. PotO is brilliant, and I can't help singing along to the awesome songs (even though, kudos to Rosa, I can never listen to Masquerade the same again... xD) and sympathise with Christine in her love drama :p For once a romantic movie that I can watch without getting bored or pissed off.

5. Sweeney Todd (and other Tim Burton films)

Seeing that I'm not your typical horror movie fan it's odd that I should like this movie so much, but I doooo! And Sweeney Todd is just one example of all the Tim Burton movies that I love that sadly couldn't get their individual spots on this list. For example Corpse Bride, Alice in Wonderland and Edward Scissorhands are definitely some of my favourite movies. Tim Burton is a genius, no doubt about it. And though Sweeney Todd perhaps is classified as horror, I think it isn't all that scary. Sure it has lots of blood, but it's not the blood that scares me when it comes to horror movies. It's more the psychological kind that I can't watch. But Sweeney is not a scary movie, it's a sad movie. I adore Helena Bonham Carter and she does such a fine job in this movie as the slightly delusional, very crooked and very loyal Mrs. Lovett. And of course Johnny Depp is one of my acting gods and does amazing job in ths one too. Not to mention Alan Rickman (and his Golden Trousers) Plus I love hearing them all sing. The music is amazing too, and thus a wonderful movie is born. It has many interesting characters, several storylines going on at the same time, all of them entwining into a beautiful, yet tragic story. It saddens me that I can't give more room for Burton movies in this countdown, but just so you all know, I love them.

4. The Lord of the Rings -trilogy

I mean, c'mon! I don't think I've come across anyone who's seen these movies and doesn't at least like them. Me personally? Love them! Maybe even more than the books, though saying that will get all the angry LotR -fans wanting to get their hands around my neck x) But it's the truth! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I saw the movies before I managed to read the whole trilogy. I was around 8 when the first movie came out so naturally I hadn't even tried reading the book yet. My then 10-year-old sister was a fan, though, and so I was interested enough in seeing the movie. I don't think I saw the movies immediately, though, since I was that young, but eventually I did see them all and definitely loved them! They're simply brilliant. The story is of course spectacular, and I can't find many - if any - faults in the way it was made into a movie. Usually movie versions are nothing compared to the original books (case in point: Harry Potter -series), but in this case I love both, possibly the movies even more. Most of the actors are amazing for their parts, the special effects are brilliant and the soundtrack nothing short of heavenly. I love them all. I have parts two and three as extended editions and I really want to get the first one extended too. We only have it on VHS, sadly. But yeah, in a nutshell: the best of fantasy movies there isss. So looking forward to what Jackson will do with The Hobbit! :)

3. V for Vendetta

One of the rare not-musical and not-animated movies that I absolutely adore. This is also one of the (comic)book to movie adaptions that I think turned out really good. I've read the comic book too and while I think that, too, is amazing, the movie steals the show for me again. The actors are brilliant, I adore Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving kicks ass as V. Plus Stephen Fry ♥. I think the setting for the story is very interesting and I like how the plot was carried out in the movie. I often got confused while reading the comic, about who was who and where and what was going on, but the movie had stripped all the confusing parts and so it was easy for me to keep track of what was going on. Even without music, yay! :D I don't know what genre of movie this would be classified as, but I like it. (Upon roaming imdb I learn that it is action/sci-fi/thriller) The fight scenes aren't too highlighted, it's not overly romantic and it has more to it than people shooting around. I am usually very bad with action movies, but this one is the right one for me. It puts me on this revolutionary mindset everytime I watch it. Viva la V and so on :p

2. Moulin Rouge

This is one of those movies that never fails to make me cry :') And also another romantic movie that I don't mind watching at all. ...and another musical XD Do I sense a pattern here? Anyway, I love this movie. The visuals, the plot, the characters, the actors and the music. I admit that I might've liked it better had they used more original songs, but I think it's also pretty creative to make a musical based on already existing songs and making new versions of them that go really well with the movie. I often forget the songs are something else than tracks from Moulin Rouge and it always surprises me to hear the original version of, say, El Tango De Roxanne :'D But it's simply amazing. And the ending aaaalways makes me cry. Sometimes I bawl throughout half of the whole movie! I've heard some people say they dislike the music and the pretty funky camera-style, but I think it kinda fits. When I first saw the movie I wasn't very impressed by the beginning; it seemed like a messy, overly artsy and way too comical and fast paced. But when the story got properly rolling I got sucked into it's world and loved the rest of the movie. I understand why people dislike it if they only watch the beginning; the first 10-ish minutes of the movie are pretty confusing and extravagant. But it gets better as it goes and once it's over there's no arguing, it is amazing! ♥ Love it! Simply so.

1. Repo! The Genetic Opera

You all knew it was coming, didn't you :P My favourite movie, Repo! The Genetic Opera. It's odd that I should like this because as I said earlier I'm definitely not a fan of horror movies. But just like Sweeney Todd, this isn't really a scary movie. It's a sad, tragic movie with some blood and organs flying around. I can take the gore if there is a good story around it. And in this case there definitely is. For a more detailed analysis on the movie I direct you to my blog entry from last August: HERE But to sum it up shortly it's a great story, and an opera! That's like, awesome musical to the power of 2. :D All the actors aren't singers as you can clearly tell, but they do a damn good job and the characters are bloody awesome, as stated in the entry about it. Repo! was originally a stage production, which adds to the amazingness! Oh, and if interested you can nowadays watch the full movie on YouTube, so I direct you here:

Anyway, that was my Top 10 list of movies. It's a bit messy as I had to jam several movies into few places, but I think it's a pretty good cross-section of my taste in movies. I'm pretty sure I forgot some of my favourites, but this gives you some idea. Yay!

With love,
Sally

Come out, come out (and close the closet door)

2011-05-10T14:30:00.000+03:00

Now playing: 8in8 - Because the Origami

Hey kids, prepare for another long-ish yammer about homosexuality in 3... 2... 1...!

Yesterday at the library I stumbled upon a book called "Out of the Closet". As the name suggests, the book was a collection of true stories about gays coming out of the closet to their parents and loved ones. There were stories told by the gay/lesbian/whatever children, stories told by parents whose children had come out of the closet. The stories were from people of different ages and families, but there was a similar undertone to them all: it's not easy to "come out of the closet" to your loved ones. Pretty much everyone said that they had been afraid to tell their parents and friends and anyone at all. Most of them told that their parents had been shocked, angry and disappointed. At least at first. Some of them had gotten over it and accepted their kids as they are. Some of them never did. Reading the book was very interesting, but it made me realize that I have been living in a bubble. I recognized the feelings of fear and insecurity. I know how it feels to be afraid to tell others who you really are. But it made me realize how protected I have been. How will I do after that protection ends?

I first conciously realized I preferred women over men when I was 15 years old. Back then the "diagnosis" I made was "Oh, so I'm bisexual. Cool." It was never an issue for me. In my angsty teenage I actually thought it was pretty cool. I was like totally different and unique now. My first girl crush took place at the end of 9th grade, when I was still 15. I had a crush on a girl in my school, a good friend of mine. I didn't have any problem with it, really. Everything was more than perfect ...until she got a boyfriend. But I coped and we were friends until 9th grade ended. I had barely realized my homosexuality or whatever it is when school ended and I got out from the stereotypically heterosexual and overall very trying secondary school and went straight to my present school. An art upper secondary where homosexuality or other such tendency is a rule rather than an exception. And that, I think, was the best thing that could've happened to an insecure lesbian teenager such as me. I didn't even have time to be seriously teased about my tendency before I got out of the possibly hostile environment and stumbled into a very pro-gay school environment. This place has been so good to me. I can rejoice about my girlfriend coming to visit me aloud in the corridors without anyone giving me odd looks or whispering behind my back. I can talk about our girlfriends with my friend and we can be sure that no one judges us for it. It's amazing. The only thing that worries me is what will happen to me when I get out of this school? One year from now I will be a graduate, and no longer studying here. 13 months from now I will not be an upper secondary student anymore, and what then? What happens when I no longer have my sanctuary of absolute acception? It's scary to think about, really.

I'm on my way... XD

I have been blessed with an extremely loving and tolerant family, a very "gay-friendly" school and a group of friends who are, if not gays themselves, very accepting. I have never had to face a situation where my sexual tendency would've been seriously sneered at or questioned. Sure, in my previous school there were people who didn't think very highly of it. A comment from a classmate I will never forget: "If one of my friends turned out to be gay, I would so wave them goodbye". I still wonder what she would've said, had I at that moment told her that I liked girls. It would've either been a priceless moment of shame for her or an uncomfortable moment of rejection to me. I never particularly liked that girl, but I still cared about what she and everyone else thought about me. Not enough to really hide myself or my preferences, though. Anyone could see me snuggle with my crush, and I when the video of me kissing Veronica Varlow (my first (girl)kiss, btw, at the age of 15 as well) was put on youtube I proudly spread it around and when the meanest girls in my class asked me about it I just explained the situation to them and didn't mind them knowing. That kiss was one of my most precious memories, what was there to be ashamed of?

Nor did I try to hide it from my parents. After both Emilie's gigs in Finland where I had been kissed by Veronica, I came home and screamed out loud to my parents that Veronica had kissed me and I was sooo happy! I don't remember if telling them about it was scary or not, probably not since I can't remember it. I remember that after telling my parents about the Rat Game and actually showing them the video of it (me kissing a woman on stage, that is xD) my mom's only comment was more or less: "Aww, that's so great! How nice of Veronica to choose you". That's exactly why I love my parents. Then why haven't I "come out of the closet" to them yet? If you mean the words "Mom, dad, I'm a lesbian", then no, I have never come out of the closet to them. But why should I tell them in those words? I wouldn't tell them so if I were straight either. Why haven't I told them my girlfriend is more than a friend? Not because I'd think they have something against me dating girls, no. It's more about the distance. I wouldn't tell them yet even if it was a boy. I've took girls home, I've talked about my friends' girlfriends casually, I've told them that I have kissed women. I have come out of the closet. I don't have to hide anything from them. This summer I will go to Helsinki Pride parade and once I turn 18 I will go to the gay club "Don't Tell Mama" in Helsinki. I don't need to tell them what they already know. My parents are not stupid, after all. I strongly believe that I don't need to sit them down and announce my sexuality to them. I trust my parents to love me no matter who I love. Of course I've read all the horror stories about parents abandoning their gay kids despite them being loving and caring before, but I try not to think about it too much. I trust my family.

I have kissed 10 people, 10 of whom have been women. I have dated 2 women and one or two men (I usually don't count my 4th grade sweetheart. We were 10-11. XD) I have had a crush on at least 4 girls. I don't know what I am. Pansexual, lesbian or bi? Or maybe I'm just myself. As I often say, I don't like to define myself through my sexuality. I am a whole person - a combination of many interesting features. I'm a redheaded, green-eyed 17-year-old, an art student and a sister. I'm a daughter, a friend and a girlfriend. I'm a circus freak, music-addict and candyholic. I'm often insecure but even more often quite content with my life. I hate spiders and I love it when someone combs my hair. I can't dance but I love to do it anyway. I think freckles are beautiful and I pay attention to people's wrists and noses. And I might be a lesbian. There we go. That's me to anyone curious. Don't define me by something that is just a small part of me. That way you will never know me.

Mais je ne veux pas aller chez des fous!

2011-05-04T00:14:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Rasputina - Transylvanian Concubine

Hello there! Quick update to introduce my new literary treasure to you all!

Alice au Pays des Merveilles

No, I don't speak one word of French, but my sister and mom were to Paris last weekend and got me this beauty because they know that I am most obsessed with Alice in Wonderland and my sister had a hunch that I would love the art in this book. And boy, oh boy, I do!

The artwork in the book is made by Rébecca Dautremer and I LOVE her style! It kinda reminds me of Coraline and it's very trippy and creative. I especially like how Alice isn't made to look like the typical blonde Disney Alice that she usually is, but Dautremer's version is based on a picture of the real Alice Liddell, and is thus more "realistic" portrayal of her.

To add to the proper artworks the book has smaller, more sketchy drawings and those, too, are amazing. I'm very much in love with this book already, and the fact that I can't understand a word of it doesn't make it any less appealing. I actually quite like it being in French. French is such a pretty language, and I guess since it's the Wonderland, nonsensical (to me, that is xD) language suits it just fine :P

Lovely book, it is ♥

Qu'on lui coupe la tête!

With a little help from my friends...

2011-04-28T22:42:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Lady Gaga - Judas

Hello there, darlings! So, here's the thing.

As many of you know, Veronica Varlow is one of the most influential and amazing people in my life, and you must all now be aware of how much she has done for me and the whole VKA (Veronica's Kissing Army) and how I adore her. I think everyone who has been lucky enough to come upon Veronica and get to know her would agree that she is one of the sweetest and nicest people there is. She has helped me through a lot and is an endless source of inspiration for me. And now this amazing person has faced a horrible tragedy.

Veronica and her husband Burke Heffner's cottage (yes, the beautiful one you see in the picture) burned down and everything was destroyed in the fire. All their precious memories and posessions. After all the good things she has done for us she is now living through a difficult experience and we are doing our best to help her in return. There are many things you can do to help.

First of all, we're collecting donations to help them rebuild their cottage. Even a small amount counts and will help us help them!

Here are Veronica's and Burke's blogs about what's happened:

http://www.dangerdame.com/diary/
http://thingstolookat.com/2011/04/our-house/

There are also projects going on in Facebook to make them happy and show them that we love and care! Take part! ♥

So now I'm calling out to everyone who reads this blog, everyone who knows Veronica and knows what a great person she is. Help her out in her time of need! She and Burke are amazing people and it is unimaginably unfair that this should happen to them. They deserve something better, they deserve our help and love. And if you can't donate or participate at least send some good thoughts and well wishes in their direction. ♥ Also because it's Veronica's birthday tomorrow and I think that just adds to the reasons we should pray for the best ♥

So all I wanted to say is spread the word and spread the love around :) Yay!

Love and light,
Sally ♥

Where is my mind?

2011-04-27T19:45:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Emily Browning - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) (From the Sucker Punch Soundtrack)

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen! Do forgive me for this silence in my blog, a lot has been going on in the past weeks :) Most importantly, my love was here in Finland for the Easter holiday! Hurrah! She was here from Thursday to Monday, and during that time I naturally didn't go online much. And now that she's back home (;__;) and I'm alone again, able to update here, I seem to be at loss of words. What does one say about 5 days of ultimate happiness that have now ended and will be repeated who knows when? What does one tell others about the best time ever with the person I love the most? I guess words are not enough to describe the fun I had. So maybe it's better I don't even try. Let's just say it was amazing! Jesus didn't die for nothing and gummi bears do it better. Indeed. Other things worth mentioning is seeing 6 movies in 5 days, me making my first crepes (and dancing around the kitchen to ABBA while doing so) and them tasting good, Hoopicnic at Suomenlinna and such wonderful things. Weather was also very favouring and we had a very warm and sunny Easter (thanks to which I got a sun stroke and lightly burned my chest despite sun screen. Blaaargh!).

One of the movies we saw during Easter was Sucker Punch, a movie of which I have heard very contradictory opinions about. And I thought maybe I'd give you my two cents about it. This is the reply I wrote to the movie's thread on Emilie Autumn's forum, and so I might refer to some parts of that conversation.

Also, SPOILER ALERT!

So, for those who don't know, Sucker Punch is a movie about a girl who gets committed to an insane asylum. The main character, Babydoll, and four other girls try to find the means to escape in an alternate reality in their mind, where they have to fight things from mechanical nazi zombies to dragons and futuristic samurai warriors. Sounds a bit confusing, maybe, but the setting was really quite interesting. But the movie as a whole didn't perhaps quite live up to it.

For me, it was a huge eyegasm and eargasm combined, but it lacked some content. There was NO character development though there was obviously huuuge amount of potential in all the characters. We got very vague backstories for Babydoll, Rocket and Sweet Pea, but Amber and Blondie remained bland sidekicks. They were like "ooh, hello there perso-- *bam* oh, she's dead now..." The fancy CGI fight scenes stole time from proper plot and character development and that pisses me off. I did like the action scenes as well (I do understand the "eyecandy for COD addicted teenage boys" -aspect, but then again, I'm a lezzie and do not mind seeing pretty girls fighting in skimpy clothing xD), but there were maybe too many of them. And they were indeed very video game-ish. I felt like grabbing a PlayStation controller and playing the scenes as they went on. The action was cool, but it would've needed something else as well. If you take out all the action and flashy graphics, you're left with a pretty bland movie.

The plot was slightly confusing (like, she's taken to an insane asylum and badam, in the next scene it's a bordello/dance club/whatnot. (and I realize they were very much connected, but still)) and didn't use much of the potential it had - and it did have lots of it - but I still did like it a lot. I adore the soundtrack, the CGI was very impressive, the characters were interesting (though left very shallow) and I am very interested in mental institutions and such. The way I see it, the movie was basically rough material that my imagination can take forward :P I'd love to perhaps write or draw something based on that in the future.

And about the ending; I liked it. The "switch" of main character from Babydoll to Sweet Pea was kinda out of nowhere (though it was hinted to somewhere earlier in the movie), but I like the fact that Babydoll didn't get free to live happily ever after, but achieved freedom in another way. I think it was rather bittersweet.

But yeah, maybe that's enough of rambling. I liked it. It was not perfect and I would've done things a bit differently, but it's definitely worth seeing! Me and my friends are possibly going to cosplay the girls sometime in the future, let's see how that turns out... :3

So that's that about Sucker Punch. Very enjoyable movie, though not perhaps the most deep and complex one. Then again, it's basically an action movie, and I don't think they're necessarily meant to be that deep and philosophical. I think Zack Snyder tried to bite a bit more than he could swallow - or at least stuff too much content and action in a too short period of time. But oh well.

That's the opening scene of the movie and a beautiful song as well!

The movie count of the holiday was:

Treasure Planet (on laptop)
Sucker Punch (in the cinema)
Girl, Interrupted (on laptop)
Howl's Moving Castle (in Japanese with Finnish subs, me translating it in English simultaneously XD That was fun)
Coraline (on laptop again)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (it was on tv, it wasn't on purposeeee xD)

I like watching movies, though I really rarely go to the cinema nowadays. It costs too much and I never have the time. Every time a new, possibly interesting movie is released I think "ooh, I HAVE to go see that!" And then, months later I check and it's already off screen xD Oops. If I watched more movies I would like to make a separate blog for movie (and possibly also book) reviews, but maybe not yet... I'll have to think about it.

Anyway, I guess that was all I wanted to update about for now. Oh, and also that IT'S FREAKING SUMMER OUTSIDE! Seriously! Suddenly out of nowhere the weather got all sunny and warm (climbing occasionally even over +20 C) and it's insanely nice! I go to school in my hippie pants and a t-shirt, I have to wear sun screen when I go to town, I have already had my first walk barefoot, as well as my first picnic, and there are flowers and grass growing all around! I've also eaten a shitload of popsicles and blown lots and lots of soap bubbles! I know there will most likely be colder days again before it's properly summer, but for what it's worth it's goddamn summer now! Fuck yeaaaaaah!

That's it for now! I promise to write more sooon! ♥

Also,

♥

I am who am I?

2011-04-13T22:56:00.002+03:00

Now playing: Kai Altair (with Circles for Hearts) - Marilyn

First of all, I want to thank the people who commented on my previous blog entry, your comments were awesomely thoughtful and also rather helpful ♥ I love good comments and commenters! ^_^

Anywaay, moving on to the actual subject.

It often shocks me when I realize how different the me I think I am is from the me that other people see me as. It's quite interesting, but also rather saddening. I have such a strong image of who I think I am. This image is based upon the things I like, the things that inspire me and the things I want to be. But is that really who I am in other people's eyes? I like to imagine myself as this kinda cool but also slightly bizzare steampunk-ish circus kid, maybe with a little femme fatale twist, because that is what I'd really like to be. And on the inside I also am, in a way. But the outside is a whole different story. Sometimes when I walk by some reflecting surface I'm actually startled by what I see in the reflection. I walk down the street just being generally happy, thinking about nothing special. Then I walk past a shop window and see my reflection as I pass. And I blink in surprise when I realize that that boringly dressed somewhat emo-looking kid on the reflection is actually me. That's how I seem to all those people who pass me by on the streets on a daily basis. And I want to stop and scream "This is not who I really am!" Because I want people to know that. I don't want people to think I am as boring on the inside as I am on the outside. Because if I should choose one word to describe my style and everyday look, it would without a doubt be "boring". And that's not the word I want to use when describing the lady Sally Slander.

Realizing all this about myself has also made me realize, that I am also guilty of that what I'm accusing others of. I, too, tend to judge people on how they appear outside. And while I know that sucks, I have to say that I think it's impossible to be 100% without judgement. As they say, first impressions are the most lasting, and we all tend to very easily put people into boxes and cathegories based on how they first appear to be. If I see a person with the kind of clothing that I like and wear, I automatically am more interested in getting to know them, than a person whose style seems to be the complete opposite of mine. And while I know that that other person would most likely be a really nice person as well, I allow myself to be more interested in the one that seems to relate to my interests more. It's natural. Maybe it's similar to what animals - wolves for example - have going on; they are quicker to accept the wolves that are grey like them and not black. (A piece of information of which I have to thank the Earth Children -books... xD) And the same way it's easier for us to interact with people who share the same style and interests that we do. I know that's a feeble theory, but oh well. I try my best not to dismiss people as "uninteresting" based on what they look like, but in the end I'm just a human myself, I am not able to completely rid myself of prejudice.

I hope some day I'll have the money and means to make my outer self match the person I am inside. Until then I can only hope people don't let my un-appealing (?) shell to prevent them from getting to know me. I am honestly more interesting on the inside than I seem... ^^; And, well... if someone is shallow enough to dislike me because I look plain, I guess I don't want to know them either. Mwahahaa.

Ps. Oooh, I didn't even notice I had passed 100 blog entries! Hoorray! *parties* 100 entries of irrelevant stuff and ranting, yaaay! That's something to celebrate, no? ;)

Pps. Last Saturday there was another awesome webcast by the lovely, lovely Kai Altair, this time featuring Joe Pepitone from Dead Till Tuesday! It was super awesome, as usual, and if you wanna watch it, just go HERE

For those who don't know Kai I recommend you watch these two videos:

(And even if you do know her and have seen these, you should watch them again! And again! These videos rock my world and I want to do my best to share the magick to you all as well! And if you are so kind to link them or at least one of them forward on your blog, tumblr, facebook, twitter or whatnot, I'll be super happy and grateful and will give you an imaginary kiss for sure! xoxo)

Creativity Crisis

2011-04-04T18:27:00.000+03:00

Now playing: Kerli - Tea Party

Though my general life situation and social life seem to be doing more than fine at the moment, I am currently going through one personal crisis of very severe nature. I am, once again, suffering from the inability to create. And by create I mainly mean draw, but also write and other such art forms. It is insufferable, because I definitely define myself through what I create. And the worst thing is that I have plenty of inspiration and ideas. They are blossoming my head every day and every day I try to put them on paper, and nothing, nothing comes out. I last addressed this issue in last March, but it's been on for almost all the time since then, unfortunately. It's insufferable, because - as pathetic as it is - I can't be if I don't create something. Drawing and writing are just something that I do. All the time. To put it in a very clichéd way, it's as natural as breathing to me. And now I'm definitely about to choke.

I know many people say that there is no such thing as art block and one should just do it and not moan about it. Yeah, I wish it was that easy. I think the issue centres around the fact that I demand too much of myself and I have wayyy too high expectations about everything. I am too impatient to let myself learn through trial and error. I demand perfection on the first attempt, so no wonder I can't create anything! For example, when I get an idea for a drawing, I immediately envision it in my head, or more like I envision the perfect idealistic version of the idea that someone super skilled could put on paper. Already at that point I know I could never make it look that good. So that already makes me hesistate about even trying. And then if I get to the actually drawing it -phase, it usually crashes after few lines. I can't get the anatomy right, I can't get the pose right, et cetera, et cetera. Usually after two minutes of hesistant sketching I get pissed off at my own lack of skills and just mess the paper up with the pencil and write FUCK IT over the drawing. And that is literally what is on the latest page of my sketch book. Light sketching of a person's head, lots of pencil smear over it and the words "fuck it" underneath it. Indeed.

I don't know how to let myself sketch freely and not be so impatient and strict about it. Why can't I just sketch away and allow myself to suck? Drawing like this isn't drawing. It has become a constrained mission, something that I have to do by force and that brings me no pleasure whatsoever. And that's not what I want from art. Arghh! I know that there is absolutely no other solution to my "art block" but to sketch away and not give a crap about how it turns out, but how do I do that when I'm never content with anything I do (art-wise, that is)? I can't just suddenly stop giving a damn and allow myself be bad and then learn. I want to be good and I want it now and that's what constantly keeps me from improving. I swear, I have gotten worse at drawing in the last 2 years. Or at least I haven't stepped forward one inch. Much use being in art school... Well, in next study period I have three courses of art; photography, graphics and human drawing, so I guess that kinda forces me to get to it. But we'll see if it makes creating art any easier for me. Oh well. At least it's spring, that should usually help me be more inspired to do stuff... But then again, the issue is not that I would lack inspiration, quite on the contrary. I have too much inspiration and no way to channel it. Grahh!

Oh well, here are some things that have inspired me lately, maybe someone else gets lucky with them...>_<

From the Mixed-up Files of Ms. Sally Slander

2011-04-03T22:13:00.000+03:00

Now playing: White Rabbit (From the Sucker Punch Soundtrack)

(By the way, if you get the reference in the title, you are awesome xD lol.)

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen! Saila from Vanity of Vanities gave me the You Are Beautiful blog award! Yay! The award says:

"You are beautiful -award is meant for all beautiful bloggers. The recipient of the award is challenged to publish 3-5 never before published pictures of their own life with little explanations and then pass it on to 3 other bloggers" (Excuse my informal translation, the award was originally in Finnish :D)

Alright, so here I go! I'm not sure whether the pics should be ones that have never been published anywhere period, or in the blog. But oh well, I'll just choose a few :D

Okay, here I go! It was surprisingly hard to find unreleased picture material of myself from my files, or at least anything worth showing here. But yeah, starting off with some childhood photos :D I have no idea how old I am in this picture, but if I should make a guess I'd say I was something about 8 years old. Approximately. Anyway, this picture was taken my by aunt when me and my big sister were spending the night at her place. She always used to plait our hair in a fancy way when we were there, and I think this is how my hair looked like after sleeping with the plaited hair. I really like this pic of me because it proves that even I was once an innocent, blonde-haired kid ;)

And now something completely different with a little more shock factor! I took this pic last year. This is me completely without makeup and photoshop (except the background which I had to colour black because of messy room). I had just come out of shower and I took this picture to show show my (now ex-)boyfriend me on my most natural. And now with a little painful cringe I post it here as well :D I'm not sure if I like how I look in this picture or not, but oh well. (And mind you I am NOT naked, though I had just showered, I had a towel wrapped around me :D) It's nothing spectacular to see me with no makeup, though, I usually can't be arsed to wear it at home or to school anyway. But this picture is me as real as I get. Hope you like it, because I at least do... :)

I don't know if this technically counts as never before released, since you've already seen pictures of me from the same photoshoot, but who cares, I don't, here it is! I just like this shot 'cause I think the blonde-Sally look is so hilarious and I don't look absolutely ridiculous though I am sitting on a giant Tripp Trapp child's chair (Don't ask.) and putting on my makeup :D This is sort of a "behind the scenes" shot of me and I like it, so here it is :D

It's not cheating, I swear! True, I have posted a picture of the same situation before, but not this precise picture! Ha! So yeah, this must be my favourite pic of myself everrr! Though you can only see me partially... But I don't mind that, since what's covering me is my greatest idol and role model Veronica Varlow! Almost 2 years ago on Emilie Autumn's gig I got to share the stage with Veronica and EA herself for a couple of minutes, and it was seriously the best moment of my life! (Ps. video HERE) So yeah, no wonder I love this picture of me! I got to kiss one of the people most important to me on the gig of my favourite artist. ON STAGE. Beat that if you can! :D

Alright! Then last but... okay, probably also the least, a picture of me with glasses! Very few people actually even know I wear glasses, because a) I don't wear them often anyway (only in classes when I can't see to the blackboard) and b) I never ever wear them in pictures. Except this one from few years back. So yeah, nothing exremely special in this one, except the fact that I am indeed wearing glasses. Hey fucking ho!

So yeah, I guess those were my 5 never before released photos of me, hope you enjoyed :D Nothing too shocking or entertaining, I'm afraid, but oh well. I don't think I'll put the award forward to anyone specific, mainly because most of my blogger friends are not Finnish and I don't dare to put that crappy translation of the original award forward to anyone xD Sorry! But anyone who feels like doing this can snatch it from me, you're all beautiful anyway!

Much love and stuff,
Sally x

What I wanted all along

2011-04-02T21:25:00.001+03:00

Now playing: Jack Off Jill - Strawberry Gashes

Today when I had just dragged myself home from school (and yes, I had an exam on a saturday. Gah!) I sat on computer, going through all the same websites I go through every day. And eventually I went to Youtube to see if anyone had commented to my hooping video. Well, turned out no one had, but instead I noticed a new message on my channel wall. The comment was very lovely and ended with the words "You are INSPIRING" That comment alone made my whole day! And it also helped me understand something.

It finally gave me the answer for the question I haven't yet been able to answer, even to myself.

"Why do you want to be "famous" anyway?"

And my famous I mainly mean a performer or artist of some sort, preferably one that some people would acknowledge and respect, too. I have never asked myself that question out loud, for me it has always been obvious. I want to perform because that's what I do. I want to create because I can't NOT create. But now I think I can answer that. I want to inspire people. I have been inspired by so many people. Emilie Autumn, Veronica Varlow, Amanda Palmer, Maggie Lally, Kai Altair, Ali Luminescent... All these wonderful people and many more too have inspired me and encouraged me to go for it and do my thing. I have been extremely blessed to actually get the chance to talk to these people, to have them tell me their stories and have them tell me in person, that I can achieve my dreams. I would be nothing without the encouragement of these people. And one day I want to be able to pass that gift on to someone. I want to have an impact and help someone in their struggle as I've been helped with mine. I want to be able to encourage someone to go for it and chase their dreams. If I were to be able to do that one day, I would've finally reached my own dream. I don't want to be a performer for the fame or the money or the publicity, no. On the fields I have chosen any of those will hardly ever be attained. I will more likely be poor, fairly un-known and "underground", if I ever get to performing. But that's not an issue for me. I don't want to be a media sensation with no point or purpose. If I were a singer, I would rather have my music reach 100 people and really make an impact and have them love me, than have my music reach 10 000 people who wouldn't give a damn. Hell, if even one person heard my music and said it inspired them, I could retire happily. Well okay maybe not quite. But you get the point.

I guess the thing is that I desperately feel the need to leave a mark on the world before I go. A bit early to think about that, some could say, seeing how I'm not even of age yet, but then again, who knows what will happen. For all I know I could die tomorrow, I want to leave an impact on someone or something in this world. If I could somehow find a thing - or even a profession! - that I would be happy doing and that would make other people happy as well, I would be content with my life. That's why I take such a passionate view on everything I love. I want to be a burlesque performer, circus performer, writer, singer, model, photographer, bellydancer and an artist all at the same time, because those are all things I am really passionate about. That's why I hate it when people tell me to stop dreaming about that stuff and think about real jobs and real professions. Like my dreams were impossible and ridiculous just because they're not nine to five jobs with a steady salary. They're not ridiculous. Just because they're not "respectable" jobs like being a lawyer or a freaking doctor or something like that (which are all very important, the world would not work if there were10000000 burlesque performers and no doctors and lawyers at all) doesn't mean they're worth nothing. Thanks to few singers, a burlesque performer and a couple of circus girls I have become confident, happy and much more calm, how could anyone claim they are worth less than someone else? I owe everything to these people who have helped me and encouraged me, and I want to repay the favour by doing the same to someone else. If that makes any sense at all.

Is it arrogant of me to think I could change someone's life? Is it making me sound self-important? I don't think it should. It's not like I'm saying I'm unbelievably significant and I'll become super famous. I guess at its heart it's the same "I want someone to notice when I'm not around" -syndrome that I've had going on in my friendships. I want someone to be glad that I am alive and that I am me. Me, the possible future burlesque/circus performer-writer-artist-model-photographer-singer. And what if I were to become a lawyer after all? Then I would find a different way to make an impact on the world. I would help people doing the thing I do. But I also want to prove people that you don't need to be highly educated and in a "socially respectable" job to be important and make a difference. After all we are more than our jobs and education. We are people, individuals, and we all can make a difference no matter what we choose to do with our lives. So let's do it!

Speaking of inspirational...

Perhaps the most eye-/eargasmic performance ever. I ♥ Dresden Dolls.

And here's a comic whose message I completely approve of:

Ponies

2011-04-02T18:59:00.004+03:00

Now playing: Metric - Help I'm Alive

(This also counts as Treasures part IV)

Originally I wasn't going to write about ponies. I was about to write about something quite else (which I will hopefully write later today or tomorrow), but then a friend asked if I was writing about ponies, which made me think about horses and ponies which made me think about my childhood which made me think about My Little Ponies which made me wonder where mine are. So I went on a search for my little My Little Ponies.

We have, like, 3 attics here, not to mention all the little closets and cupboards. But I started from the one I remember last seeing the ponies in. I went there, threw stuff around and watched out for the spiderwebs on the ceiling. Brrr, creepy creepy attic. Well, I found nothing. I went to put on more clothing 'cause it's freezing in there and went on search again. This time I found plastic dinosaur, little blue car, clown yo-yo and my pet rock. And by pet rock I mean rock to which I glued some woollen thingy on and drew a face to. They were my pet-fever first aid before we got dogs. But not the Ponies. But it's okay because finding those things already made me happy. I remembered why I loved the yo-yo; it was because of that one cartoon I had loved as a kid. I remembered how it was to make those pet rocks and how much I liked them as a kid. But I wanted to find the Ponies.

So I roamed a little deeper into the deep, dark attic. Lots of boxes filled with lots of clothes. But no Ponies. Then I found a castle. It was a big Beauty and the Beast castle and I squealed with joy when I found it. I had LOVED it as a kid! I remember how I had wished for Cinderella's castle as a kid, but how I really loved that castle too. I started to examine it, curious to see if I still remembered all the secret doors and passages. I remembered them all and it was such a bliss! (Correction! There were few that I had forgotten but I found them now!) I was so happy to have found the castle again! But I wanted to find the Ponies.


My castle

So I went to another attic. I roamed through several boxes and found cute little doll house furniture, little porcelain teacups and other fun things. And then I found a box full of toys. I took a smaller box from inside of it. And then I found the Ponies. There were three actual My Little Ponies and two fakes. I took out the three Ponies and looked at them. I only remembered the one that was a unicorn, I had loved it so much as a kid! It had a golden glittery horn that blinked when I pushed the little button on it. The light still worked and I was thrilled! I carefully combed out their manes and tails and gave them names, because if they ever had names I had already forgotten them. The white and silver unicorn became Lune, pink pony with a lavender and light yellow mane became Dawn, and the little green foal with green and light yellow mane and a pink tail became Sayaya, in honour of my Chat Mamma ♥ They're such a happy little family and I'm glad I found them. What will I do with them now? I have no idea. But they have been re-discovered and I don't want to put them away again. My little adventure through Attic-land made me remember things I had long ago forgotten, and it also made me realize how many happy things I had in my childhood. How a simple rock could make me super happy and how three colourful ponies were a luxury. How I could identify to my favourite cartoon character and imagine I was them through just having a simple yo-yo. It was all so easy back then. Today reminded me that I need to be a child more often. Because sometimes it's good to drop 10 years off your age and just allow yourself to be happy for little things. It makes you happy to remember how happy you were.

Little Sayaya

And this was a story of how I found the Ponies. Have a nice weekend y'all!

Ps. There are now three reaction boxes down there (*points down*) so if you want to be anonymous and/or are lazy enough not to wanna type a comment, you can clickedy click your opinion there :) Not that those boxes say much, but it's feedback and all feedback is nice! :) ♥

How Strange

2011-04-01T20:49:00.002+03:00

Now playing: Shakira - How Do You Do

Today was nothing out of the ordinary. (Even though it was April's fools) I had a Finnish exam that was pretty easy (at least seemed like it), I spent the day home hula hooping (see the ending of this entry), reading and surfing online. Very ordinary, as I said. Then one video directed my thoughts back to the media fuss about a religious campaign that more or less directly condemns (a bit strong word for the occasion, but oh well) homosexuality and was strongly disapproved by media and people. The campaign has been discussed all over so it was nothing new to me, but suddenly I was struck by the absurdity of the whole situation.

I was struck by the absurdity of the fact that there are actually people in this world who condemn people - condemn me - based on who I fall in love with. I have lived with that knowledge for years, but it never ceases to shock me. I will never be able to comprehend that there are campaigns, articles and protest for and agaist one form of love and sexuality. I mean, oh my god. If that is not absurd, I don't know what is. How can anyone be disturbed by who I fall in love with? Why is it anyone else's business if a man loves a man? Why do people care? Why because of the Bible of course. A point which makes this whole thing even more absurd. It makes me laugh to think about it. IF the Bible is indeed not god's own words (which I don't think it is but I'm not god, so I don't know), the one who wrote the things that apparently condemn homosexuality must be the biggest troll of the history. I mean wow. Bet he didn't know people would take his April's fool prank seriously and make it a rule centuries and centuries later... Personally I would not trust a book that has been translated again and again and whose writer we don't even know. Unless of course it's written by god. Duh.

But I mean seriously. I started thinking about it just now, and it confuses the hell out of me. Politicians have to specifically state that they approve of homosexuals and support marriage for all couples, gender aside. People put up campaigns for and against homosexuality. People say we should all approve of homosexuality. Why? Why, why why? Shouldn't it be obvious that we get to love whoever we want? Apparently not. I'm so sick and tired of it. I'm sick of homosexuality being a political and religious issue. I'm sick of it being a hot topic all over media. I hate it. It shouldn't be any news. It shouldn't be something to argue over. It shouldn't be something that we must all approve of. It should be neutral, obvious, and as un-media sexy as heterosexuality is. Because that's what it is. There is NO difference between those sexual tendencies, just the group of people they address. Some men love men. Some men love women. What's the big deal? Seriously.

I think it's so twisted how I have to defend my sexuality against discriminating groups, and how I have to actively fight for my rights. Personally I don't give a hoot about whether gays can get married in church because I will most likely not be in church for very long (yes, I'm actually Christian. At least on paper.) and I will most likely never get married. At least not in church. And if nothing changes I couldn't do it even if I wanted to. And that's why I feel the need to fight for it. Because I feel that it is ridiculously unfair, that some christians - people who believe in god and happen to love people of the opposite sex - get to marry in church, and some christians - people who believe in god but happen to love people of the same sex - do not. They are all christians, but their love interests and sex partners define their rights. How absurd. I definitely think gay couples should have the right for adoption. Someone said that gays shouldn't adopt because "the world is running out of kids to adopt anyway". How absurd. If there's something we're not running out of, it's kids who need parents. Seriously. But I've already ranted about this, so maybe I won't go deeper into this issue now.

I think I'm a bit too idealistic and naïve still. I don't even try to hide my sexual tendency when talking to new people. Few days ago I told a new acquaintance that my girlfriend is coming to Finland, and only after those words had left my mouth I realized I had NO idea what is her view on homosexuality. Because to me it's so obviously okay and normal. I usually don't think twice before saying stuff like that. And I'm painfully realizing that maybe I should. Or I have the risk of one day getting shot down pretty harshly because of it. It makes me sad to realize that in order to make new acquaintances and be friends with new people I should consciously hide a part of myself. Not that I go around yelling I like girls on a daily basis, but when it comes up in a conversation, I don't actively hide it either. Like when someone says "yay my boyfriend is coming over tomorrow", it's natural for me to say "yay, so is my girlfriend". But oh, right, wrong gender. This whole thing gives me a headache. I don't even want to think about it but apparently I have to. Sigh.

Oh well. To lighten up the mood, here's a video of me hula hooping. Yay.

Such good things are coming my way!

2011-03-31T19:28:00.001+03:00

Now playing: Seal - Kiss From a Rose

This song just returned to my head and brought along such amounts of good mood that I can hardly take it. I remember when 2 years ago me and two of my friends performed this song for my school. I was super nervous when performing and that wasn't soo spectacular, but I remember practising this, the endless hours we spent in the school basement practising and having fun. I remembered the fun and the spring and it filled me with nostalgia. I miss my friends and old school, but surprisingly things have drastically improved in my present school and present friends as well.

You remember how I used to complain that I have no real friends in school and how I don't belong? Somehow that feeling has started to go away. I realized I've been way too hard on my friends and myself. Too absolute. I used to think that if I'm not the absolute number one for them, I couldn't be with them and have fun. I used to think that their common hobbies were keeping me out and that I could never fit in. But I've come to realize, that if I always seek for absolute friendship and connection, most of the time I will be very, very lonely. And that in fact it's been me blocking them out more than the other way around. Lately I have tried to think less about what is different between me and them and what keeps us apart, but I've just let go of all the analyzing and gone with it. They're my friends, and if I want them to understand me and accept me I need to do the same to them. I've had much more fun with them lately, and lo and behold, I even tried cosplaying with them! Granted, it was just a casual cosplay of a character I barely know (Kagamine Rin from Vocaloid) but it was fun, and they somehow managed to recruit me into making a proper cosplay of her next year. Imagine me with a sewing machine... But they promised to help so maybe I'll survive ^^ Here are some pics of my cosplay:

Yay! So, things at school are starting to improve, and that has also made me realize - very painfully - that one year from now I will be a graduate. Exactly one year from now I will have just finished my finals and in two months I will leave my school. It's shocking. Where have the past 2 years disappeared? Time has gone by so fast, I can't believe that in one year I'll be standing on nothing again, and I will have to find myself a new school and new friends. What a horrible thought. And not just because I have NO idea where I want to go study next, but because all my social circles will have to re-arrange and all this will start again. Ugh. But I'm trying not to think about that too much now. I still have one year, I just have to make the most of that.

Let me re-direct you to the title now. Good things indeed are coming my way! And loads of them too! First of all, spring. Obviously. Ladies and gentlemen, I cycled today!! Yes I did! Just a couple of hundred of meters but still! I could cycle, and that gave me such a happiness surge! It's SPRING! We've had many steps back, snow and ice and cold weather, but now it seems that spring is finally taking over! And it's about the time, too, it's April tomorrow! (Oh hell, april's fool! I had forgotten!) And when I think about April, I more or less faint with anticipation. What all is coming my way this April?
1. Kai Altair's webcast (seriously, you want to be there! Keep tuned)
2. Hoopdance Jam (3rd time I'll be going there, looking forward to it already)
3. Veronica Varlow's webinair (I almost missed the previous one and came late but now I have the chance to do it again, and by god I will be there in TIME this time! YAY!)

And last but SO not least, my lovely lovely girlfriend will FINALLY come here! Yay! Haven't met her since New Year's, so you can safely say I'm going crazy about this! 20 days, 20 days, 20 dayyyyys! She'll spend the Easter holiday with me here, assuming I don't die of happiness and anticipation before that x) But yay, totally looking forward to that! ♥♥♥

And if we think a bit further, to next autumn, another awesome thing is about to happen. The orchestra in which I play saxophone will go to Germany for a weekend! HOLY SHIT YEAHHH! Our orchestra hasn't been abroad in maaany many years (at least 5!) and we've been raising funds for AGES! So now finally all those times we've performed in rain, cold, snow, on every single bridge and street and hall we've gotten to are paying off! Germany here we come! And the best part is that we only have to pay 79€ per player for it ourselves. Cheapest Germany trip everrr :D I think we'll be pretty limited in free time, but I hope we'll have some opportunities to wander about and visit shops and such as well. It will be so much fun!

But yay, I think that was all for now, I have to go study history of literature. Yeah, indeed, it's exam week! I'm surprisingly relaxed seeing how many exams I have coming up, but seeing all the good things I listed above, is it any wonder? :D Life is freaking awesome!

Love, hyped up Sally
xoxoxo

Ps. We had an awesome photoshoot on Saturday too (the Vocaloid shoot was on Sunday)! It was the first photoshoot of my friend's awesome project Court of Filth! Our theme this time was circus! Here are few sneak previews of it:


Me as the Maid


Execution Grounds (the whole group)


The Princess and the Maid

Of Hair and Amazing People

2011-03-20T11:58:00.000+02:00

Now playing: Amanda Palmer feat. Jane Austen Argument - Bad Wine and Lemon Cake

Hello and sorry for my absence. Time for a random-ish update of stuff that's been going on.

First of all, there has been some change in my looks! By which I mean I actually grabbed on an impulsive idea, cut my hair and bought clip-on extensions. Here's some photo reference of the process:

Me on the night before hairdresser's (freshly from shower lol)

Aaaand here's me after:

Sorry for the webcam quality and size, click to enlargen.

And here's what happened to the extensions. They're slightly wrong colour so I don't have a pic of me wearing them yet.

Original colour. (pretty close to my original colour actually)

After dyeing!

So yeah! I myself am pretty content with the new look, though it will take me a while to figure out how it looks best. I last had this short hair in 2008 or so, so it takes some practice to get it to look good again. But I'll get used to it eventually :D And once my hair fades a bit OR I re-dye the extensions (not likely since getting them dyed the first time was a real battle! Can you imagine my back and legs and arms actually HURT the following day because of it? XD) I'll show you a pic with them on me as well. :) They're not much longer than my hair before cutting it was, but it's still fun! I need to practice with the extensions a bit too, I still can't get them on my head too well. But yeah, that's all about the hair for now.

What else has been going on? Well, two days ago I got a surprise email from Veronica Varlow, my number one idol and role model, and she told me that my lovely VKA friend Lika had gifted me her ticket to Veronica's first webinair - a Femme Fatale online class! I was so hyped, and yesteday I was all prepared for it. But thanks to US changing to summer time one week earlier and not telling me about it I almost missed it and got there an hour late! And I think I must've been PMS'ing since I burst out in tears when I realized it and cried like 2 hours straight after that. Snif. Well, I had been crying at movies all day before that too, so maybe I was just on crying mood. But anyway, I'll get a recording of the whole webinair tomorrow, and I did manage to be there for the last 20-30 minutes, so it's okay :') Also Veronica, being the sweetheart she is, said I could get to the next webinair for free. I am surrounded by amazing people! ♥ Anyway, despite bawling like a baby throughout the time I was there, the webinair was amazing! It was lovely to get to spend some "personal" time with Veronica and have her tell us her tricks and secrets about confidence and performing and being awesome. Who could be a better teacher in that that Veronica? ♥ So yeah, it all turned out okay in the end. But last night I was most devastated about it and cried my eyes out all evening. That wore me and my eyes out so bad that I went to bed pretty early and woke up at 9, which means too much time in the morning and unbelievable boredom. That's why I started writing this blog entry in the first place... XD

Anyway. I am currently sick with the flu and blowing my nose every two seconds. Not the best feeling in the world, but I guess that's spring for you... And speaking of spring, it just took a huge step back -_- Whereas few days ago the streets had almost melted and it was very springy, yesterday BAM, it snowed all day and now everything is covered in wet, disgusting snow. WHO STOLE MY SPRING GODDAMNIT?! I do not approve.

'tis the season!

2011-03-03T00:39:00.001+02:00

Now playing: Regina - Paras aika vuodesta

It.

Is.

SPRING~!

That's a pretty good image of how I felt today. This was the first day since November that we actually had plus degrees outside almost all day! And suddenly the day is a lot longer; it's light when I leave to school and light when I come home! And today I could actually walk to grocery store with no jacket or scarf on! (If I get sick now, you can all laugh at me for that...) So I repeat; It is spring!!

For a very long time I disliked spring and autumn as seasons, but now I have come to realize they're actually my favourites. I love and hate all seasons pretty equally, but spring seems to be the season that gets me the most hyped up. It's probably the dark and cold slowly starting to go away that gets me jumping and squealing so much. I do love winter, but after 4 months of dark and cold and heaps of snow, I'm understandably thrilled to see some dry asphalt peeking under the snow, feeling the warmth of the day and realizing it's still light outside at 7 pm. Some people seem to get down and depressed during spring, but to me it thankfully has quite the opposite effect. I get lively, inspired, and unbelievably romantic. That's spring for you, I guess. The only thing I dislike about spring is the unsteadiness. One day it might seem like summer's just behind the corner and the next day you have -10 C and sleet. :( But oh well, summer will come without a doubt! And it's not actually even summer that I'm waiting for, though many splendid things will occur then and I want to be on holiday, but it's the SPRING itself! Well, okay, maybe my girlfriend coming to visit has something to do with my spring enthusiasm, but it has to do with the season itself as well. Seeing the nature bloom back to life after all the ice and cold is just wonderful and vitalizing. In a nutshell: I love spring! Too bad it makes sitting inside classrooms all day even more unbearable... Oh well.

Now I have to go to bed or I will be unbelievably tired tomorrow, spring or not. Good night and happy spring to you!

Of Hula Hoops, Pirates And More

2011-03-02T17:51:00.001+02:00

Now playing: Kingdom Dance (from Tangled)

we♥it

I am most disappointed in the modern world. Well yes, I do like living in a world full of modern technology, such that makes dating a lady from across Europe possible and that allows us to know more and connect with new people easily. But there are times when I think I'd rather have born couple of centuries ago than in the darn 90's... Where instead of roaming the internets I would've roamed the seven seas. Yes folks, I am in love with the world of pirates. Now the people who know history and understand stuff logically go "But pirates were baaad, they killed people and robbed stuff D:" and I know that pirates weren't exactly the good guys, but I don't care, I love pirates anyway! And it's not that I would've exactly loved slaughtering innocent sailors either, but it's just that something about the world and image of pirates that fascinates me. The freedom, the ships... (the cool clothes...) Pirates are just amazing. There was something positively glorious about that world. And while I agree that pirates were probably not as glorious in real life as stories and movies make them seem, I have to say I think in that rotten era it was not the worst thing you could do; stealing gold and taking over ships.

But now, what got me into talking about this lovely subject in the first place? Well. Last night when I absolutely should've been sleeping, I was reading Celia Rees' book Pirates! The book is about two young girls, escaping from the conflicts of their lives and ending up on a pirate ship. A subject matter very close to my heart, indeed. While the book itself as a literary excerpt was nothing too spectacular; a pretty averagely written youth book, the story really inspired me and pleased my piratey heart. After having read the whole book in couple of hours, I lay in my bed quietly, my mind spinning in ecstatic enthusiasm. I envisioned myself and my love, sailing the seven seas on a grand pirate ship. It was a wonderful scenery and it took me a while to calm down enough to actually sleep. I don't know what makes me think my life would be any better at the ocean, but to me it just symbolises freedom and courage that I often feel I lack in my own life. But oh well. That's it about pirates for now.

we♥it

Well! As you know, I've been hula hooping for a while now, but I've been lacking some hooping company and practice opportunities. So a few weeks ago I braced myself and enrolled to a HoopdanceJam - a little meet-up for hoopdancers in Helsinki. I was super nervous because I can't really even hoopdance and didn't really speak to anyone there, but it was amazing to see other awesome hoopers and actually have space to spin the hoop unlike in my room ^^; It was really splendid! Everyone else there was so freaking talented and I was very much fail, but it didn't really bother me that much. At least I had a chance to spy the others for ideas and tips... x) And it was a really nice practice as well, hooping for one and a half hour! And in couple of weeks there'll be another HoopdanceJam and I'm so going again! And soon it'll get warm enough for me to practice outside too! Huzzah! I'm so happy that I have found a hobby - a sportive, none the less - that I enjoy so much and now I even have other people to do it with! Love it! ^^ ♥

That's about all for now. I'll probably write more soon... ♥

Ps. Over 80 readers oh em geeeee! ♥ I love you guys!! :)

Yarrrr,
Sally

Harrastusahdistus

2011-02-16T18:43:00.001+02:00

Now playing: Rasputina - Doomsday Averted

Sorry folks, the following entry will be in Finnish because it's just easier for me to write in Finnish about the subject (hobbies and such, nothing too interesting) because I don't know the terminology in English and honestly, I can't be bothered.

~

On se elämä taas vaikeaa. Tai no, ei se kauhean vaikeaa voi olla jos tää on mun elämän suurin huoli tällä hetkellä, mutta anyway. Ongelmana on siis se, mitä ihmettä teen ensi vuoden ja tulevaisuuteni kanssa. Tämä nyt tuskin ketään kauheasti kiinnostaa, mutta pitää nyt vaan saada tämä ulos systeemistä ja randomia ulinaa vartenhan blogit on keksitty. Hurrah!

Eli siis. Olen nyt 17 vuotta - lukion tokalla siis - ja olen harrastanut samoja asioita 7-8 -vuotiaasta lähtien. Ja siinä missä ne (pianon soitto, orkesteri ja teatteri) silloin olivat kivoja harrastuksia alan nyt pikkuhiljaa olla sitä mieltä, että olisi aika kokeilla jotain muutakin. Etenkin pianonsoittoa olen niin kurkkuani myöten täynnä. Piano ei ole enää pitkään aikaan kiinnostanut minua muuten kuin oman lauluni säestäjänä, enkä todellakaan jaksaisi ravata kerran viikossa tunneilla hinkkaamassa jotain iänikuisia sonatiineja, jotka ei voisi vähempää kiinnostaa. Ja kun harrastus muuttuu vituttavaksi pakkopullaksi, olisi loogisesti ajatellen selvästi järkevintä lopettaa, eikös? No, tässä kohtaa kuvioon astuu mukaan äiti ja tulevaisuus. Vaikka olen pimputtanut pianoa lapsesta asti, olen edennyt aika hitaasti, ja siksi olen vasta nyt suorittamassa kolmostason tutkintoa. Sen suoritettuani saisin koko musiikkiopiston päättötodistuksen, jota tarvitsen jos haluan jatkaa musiikkia esim. ammattikorkeassa tms. Itse en tunne kovinkaan suurta hinkua musiikin alalle noin niin kuin ammattina (paitsi laulajana, mutta sitä nyt tuskin lasketaan...) Siksi olen sitä mieltä että voisin ihan hyvin jättää sen pianon ja antaa olla. Mutta äitini ja piano-opettajani ovat vahvasti sitä mieltä, että jos en kolmostutkintoa tee, heitän more or less tulevaisuuteni hukkaan ja olen tuhon oma -_- Tästä on äidin kanssa väännetty kättä monta kertaa, ja vastaus on aina sama "tee mitä haluat (= et vitussa lopeta tai kiukuttelen sulle lopun vuotta)" Jos olisin vähän vähemmän epävarma ja perhekeskeinen, viittaisin varmaan kintaalla äidin vastusteluille, mutta tällainen nössö kun olen en uskalla suoranaisesti tehdä äidin tahtoa vastaankaan. Ja tahtomattaankin sitä alkaa epäillä, että mitä jos ne on oikeassa? Jos mä nyt lopetan pianon ja sitten vuoden päästä keksinkin että tahdon opiskella musiikkia, niin no can do, sitten ei ole tutkintoa. Mutta perkele kun en mä sitä tutkintoa saa ikinä tehtyä muutenkaan, kun olen päätynyt hirveään noidankehään. En pidä enää pianonsoitosta -> en jaksa treenata -> olen huono ja biisien oppimisessa menee kauan -> tutkinnon tekeminen viivästyy entisestään -> en pidä pianonsoitosta. Ja noin se kehä pyörii ja aina vaan vituttaa enemmän.

En todellakaan osaa sanoa, mitä nyt pitäisi tehdä. Keksin sekunnissa lukuisia harrastuksia, joita tekisin mieluummin kuin näitä nykyisiä; sirkus, laulu ja vatsatanssi näin muutaman mainitakseni, mutta mistäs revit aikaa (ja rahaa) kun nämä paskaharrastukset vievät kaiken ajan, rahan ja energian. Ja eikös harrastusten pointti ole kuitenkin olla nimenomaan kivoja asioita joiden parissa voi viihtyä ja rentoutua koulun ohella? Eikö harrastukseen lähtiessä kuuluisi ajatella "jee, treenit!" eikä "ei vittu, treenit... olisinpa kipee".. Ei toimi tämä näin. Myös muiden ihmisten mielipiteet ovat varsin jakautuneet. Toiset sanovat että tee nyt vaan se tutkinto, sittenhän se on pois alta ja voit tehdä mitä tahdot. Ja tottahan se on. On tätä soitinta jo vuosikymmen hakattu, mitä yksi (tai kaksi -_-) vuosi enemmän enää haittaa? Mutta kun haittaa! Ja mistä sitä tietää jos lukion jälkeen lähdenkin vaikka Englantiin, sittenpähän olen tuhlannut "viimeisen" vuoteni Suomessa noihin turhiin harrastuksiin joista ei ole minulle mitään iloa. Ja piano-opettajani kuuluisa kommentti: "Sinä nyt olet vielä nuori, tee niitä asioita mitä haluat sitten vanhempana". Wtf? Eli toisin sanoen koska olen nuori, on järkevää tuhlata aikaa inhottavan harrastuksen parissa, kun ehdin tehdä niitä kivoja juttuja sitten aikuisena? Just. Sitten toiset sanovat että dumppaa se piano nyt ja tee mitä tahdot. Niinpä, kumpa kehtaisinkin! Inhottaa olla näin selkärangaton... minunhan elämästäni tässä on kyse eikä äitini, minun se kai pitäisi päättää, mitä sillä teen. Ja luulisi ettei äitikään haluaisi maksaa sellaisesta harrastuksesta jota minä en edes halua tehdä! Mutta ota sen logiikasta nyt selvää...

No joo, siinä oli dilemmani (enemmän tai vähemmän) pähkinänkuoressa. Ja nyt kaipaan mielipiteitä: Ollako kiltti lapsi ja tehdä se vitun pianotutkinto valmiiksi hampaita irvistellen, vai ollako itsenäinen naisihminen ja sanoa heippa pakkopullalle ja viettää viimeinen lukiovuosi oikeasti kivojen asioiden parissa?

Kiitos ja hei,
Sally

Confessions

2011-02-12T19:15:00.000+02:00

Now playing: PMMP - Synestesia

As many others, I, as well, have been awarded with The Versatile Blogger award! This award was given to me by the lovely Lady Carniwhore and the mission is to tell seven things about yourself and then pass this award on to 7 other blogs. Well, I don't know if you know or care about this stuff about me but here I go all the same!

1. I am extremely bad at coming up with this stuff ^^;

2. I often imagine horrible things happening to me or people I know and then get scared about them happening for real

3. In books, movies and tv series I always hate the part when there is some misunderstanding between the people and everything just goes wrong because of something little and insignificant. Today I had to walk out on Desperate Houswives because I couldn't stand the misunderstandings.

4. I can't listen to music without lipsynching along, or doing something else physical. I try to walk to the song's beat, I snap my fingers, I blink my eyes, I tap my foot, I wave around... anything. I can't just sit/stand still.

5. I have bazillion unrealistic plans for my future.

6. My taste in music varies a lot more than people think. From French pop to Italian vampire rock, from Dresden Dolls to Lady Gaga.

7. I love writing lists but my mind goes blank everytime I should come up with these things. Took me four days to put this list together...

And since almost everyone has been tagged, I'll tag the ones who haven't (to my knowledge) received this yet and who sure deserve it:

Once Upon A Time Is Now

I am a Midnight Eccentrik

Your True Face

haunted house make a secret

Purple Universe

Those are all I can come up with at the moment ♥

Love and gratitude,

Sally

TOP 10: Disney women

2011-02-11T19:15:00.003+02:00

Now playing: The Dresden Dolls - Mandy Goes To Med School

Hmm, I think it's time for another Top 10 list! Huzzah! And because I'm a major Disney addict, I will now list my favourite 10 Disney women! ♥ So mirror, mirror on the wall, who in the land is fairest, funniest, most kick-ass girl of all?

(Oh, and unlike previous Top 10s, this time I'm going from 10 to up, so don't be confused!)

10. Ariel (from The Little Mermaid)

Okay, so despite being redhead, mermaid and ~~more or less half-naked~~ in a way pretty awesome, Ariel didn't get very high on my countdown. Why? Well... As much as I like the movie The Little Mermaid, there's just something that pisses me off about it. First of all, though I know pretty much all Disney relationships are based on a pretty feeble connection, this one must be the absolute worst. Ariel sees the prince, like, once and then she's all like "ooh, me luvs him!" And while I agree she's pretty kick-ass, giving up her friends and family under the sea just to turn mortal, her whole motif for doing it is just off. You're ready to give up everything just to get to this one guy who you don't know and who doesn't know you? Seems pretty risque to me... Oh well, I guess that's love at first sight for you... So the biggest issue about Ariel is not the character herself but the whole movie. The plot ending pisses me off, and I have a lot more respect for the original Little Mermaid of the fairy tale. She had to go through a whole lot of pain to get the man, and her ending was really tragic, but Ariel was just so... disneyfied. But I guess I have to think of it as a kid's movie, so it's natural to give it a happy ending. In a nutshell (or seashell, lawl) I like Ariel, but her actions just seem a little senseless to me.

9. Jasmine (from Aladdin)

Here comes my number 9, Jasmine. This one's a real Disney princess for you. A pretty, royal lady who has pretty much everything but oh, she wants more (as all Disney princesses do)! She seems pretty tame and helpless at first, but she does improve a bit during the course of the movie. She escapes and jumps some rooftops, and tries to object Jafar's decisions and fights back when people try to make her marry some stoopid princes. But she has the bad habit of not really doing anything about anything. But the point she really gets interesting is in the end of the movie, when she ~~dresses up in that sexy red outfit~~ is enslaved by Jafar and then in the end has to pretend to love him and even kisses him in order to save them all. That takes some guts. But yeah, in the end she is not really much more than the ordinary Disney princess. But still worth the 9th place on my list.

8. Belle (from Beauty and the Beast)

Though Belle fits pretty well to the classic Disney princess cathegory (except that she's not a princess to begin with), she's one of the few old(er)-class Disney girls to actually do falling in love the "right way", you know, getting to know one another before going all lovey dovey... XD I like how she is ready to sacrifice her own freedom to free his father, and she doesn't fall in love with the man - well, beast - in two seconds. She dislikes him at first, but when she gets to know him she falls in love, despite the fact that he is, well, a beast. She has some character and she actually does something. So though she is a bit typical pretty girl, she still holds up pretty well, and gets the 8th place on the countdown.

7. Ursula (from The Little Mermaid)

Okay, you know something is wrong when you like the villain of the movie more than the heroine... XD Okay, that actually is the case in many Disney movies, because the villains are so damn cool! But anyway. Ursula kicks ass. Sure, she's the bad guy, but she's so damn much fun to watch :D She's a curvy, greedy and full of feminine elegance and body language x) Oh, and she's an octopus. She's so cool. And she has one of the best Disney villain songs, "Poor Unfortunate Souls" (and the one to bring up the Jonas Brothers version will die a slow and painful death ...though I just did so myself...) And she manages to disguise her evil plan as actually helping Ariel and manages to fool her into the contract. Then she turns into a hot woman, steals Ariel's man, and defeats the king! That's one powerful lady right there. Though I was very disappointed by how she was brought down. -_- Such a letdown. But yes, Ursula kicks ass. ...Or fishtail. (What is it with me and the fishy puns?! Seriously! XD)

6. Pocahontas (from ...well, Pocahontas)

It really pains me to put Pocahontas this low on the list because I love heeer! A nature loving Indian princess who can teach some hippie-attitude to an arrogant Englishman :D Of course it's a bit of a letdown to have her be all in love so quickly, but hey, kids films are kids films, maybe I should stop complaining about that... xD The movie has a bit too many animal sidekicks for my taste, but then again, it has some awesome songs and a message to convey. But what's with the purple leaves that apparently translate the language of the Indian tribe to English and vice versa... We wish it was that easy -_- But yeah. All historical unrealisticness etc. aside, Pocahontas is both an amazing movie and an amazing character ♥ She's strong, independent and nature-loving, and just plain awesome :)

5. Tiana (From The Princess and the Frog)

I looove Tiana. One of the most recent additions to the Disney women, Tiana is a really good role model for the kiddies :D She's a hardworking girl from New Orleans, and she isn't just waiting for a prince to come and marry her, she is prepared to work for her happiness and future, and she isn't just prancing around, waiting for Prince Charming to come and pick her up. Noo, she works her ass off to get what she wants! And when she turns into a frog, she is still ready to work her way back to human again, and not just go with the flow like Prince Naveen likes to do :D But to be fair, there is a big difference in kids movies of 2009 and kids movies a decade earlier, so it's not that surprising that the princesses are very different too. There are perhaps 3 Disney-princess movie generations; the oldschool love stories (often originating from actual fairy tales) such as Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc., that focused on the prince-princess thing and the characters were more traditional princesses. Then there's the newer generation with Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, etc. That generation brings in the active, independent women, but still follows the love theme pretty nicely. Then there's the all new generation with Princess and the Frog, Tangled and such. Funny thing is that the fairy tales are back, but with a whole new twist now. So no wonder the princesses are very different now too. I love the movie as a whole, and the kind-of twist ending is just awesome :D And Tiana kicks ass, of course! Plus points for being the first "proper" black Disney girl. Which is also kinda cool.

4. Megara (from Hercules)

Meg is a whole lot of fun! She's not a princess, nor is she very respectable (at least in the beginning). This independent, cheeky lady is full of ~~sex appeal~~ confidence, and is actually working for the bad guy of the movie. Badass! Meg is funny, tough and I love to see how many innuendos and "un-kidfriendly" things she manages to slip into her talk x) Meg originally ended up working for Hades because she sold her soul to save the man she loved. That takes some guts! And later she died (!) trying to save Hercules. You can tell she's not just a damsel in distress or a typical whiny princess. She can fend for herself and with her looks and confidence, she can make men bow to her will. She's awesome.

3. Esmeralda (from The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Oh, Esmeralda... Getting to the top 3, it's starting to be really difficult to put these ladies in specific order, but Esmeralda definitely deserves her place in it. This gypsy gal is righteous, strong and clever. Also smoking hot. I mean, have you seen her dance in the Topsy Turvy scene? Daaamn. She is also very kind and not prejudiced at all, and she's very helpful to the shy Quasimodo. Plus I love how she fights back and stands up for her rights against Judge Frollo (who, by the way, is my favourite Disney villain by far!) She won't give in to Frollo's lust, not even to save her own life. The only thing I'm kinda bummed about when it comes to Esmeralda, is how easily she "gives in" to Phoebus. That guy's a douche, don't date him! D: I mean sure, Phoebus was a good guy in the end and all, but c'mon, he's not that special >.< She should've gone for Quasimodo instead! Much more interesting personality! But oh well, I can't help but to forgive her for her poor taste in men. She's strong. She's hot. She's gypsy. I love her.

2. Captain Amelia (from Treasure Planet)

This is where I say meow! I was having really hard time deciding where on this list Captain Amelia belongs. Personally she might even be my absolute favourite, but I was trying to compare the characters a bit more objectively, so she had to settle with number two slot. One of the most underrated Disney women, Captain Amelia is a combination of awesomeness. She's a captain. Of a spaceship. She's a cat-woman (an alien, too!). She's not the love interest of the protagonist and she is in no way a whiny princess. Plus oh my god that British accent *__* I tell you, my brain just dies of awesome when I hear her (voiced by Emma Thompson) call "Get on the longboat, quickleeeh!" in that sexy voice of hers... ♥__♥ But yeah. She's just so kick-ass. She's a tough, strong captain, and she is not afraid to say what she thinks. Or to fight pirates. And instead of being the love interest of the protagonist, she is the love interest of a side character. Which is an interesting decision. In fact one of the best things about the movie itself is that it's point is not for the hero to find a chick, it's for the hero to find himself. Jim is one of the best Disney protagonists, and the movie is simply full of awesome characters. But there is no winning Captain Amelia.

1. Mulan (from Mulan ...obviously)

But when it comes to Disney girls, there's no question about it. Mulan is my number one by far. That girl's got some balls, I tell you! She's a bit clumsy and awkward and not the perfect daughter/wife-to-be/whatever by any means. But when it comes to protecting her father and family, dude, she is hardcore! I mean suuure, other Disney princesses defeat evil witches and sorcerers and other hardships, she goes to fucking war! And though her disguise is not very waterproof (seriously, who could ever mistake her for a guy? :D), she still manages to pull it off and survive amongst all those men (What is she, 16?! Hell, I would die!) and even make the damn captain fall for her :'DD Poor guy must've been so confused! And she must be the Disney girl with the best taste in men, 'cause darn, that captain is cool! Though as a character she is not that cocky or strong like some other Disney women, she knows what she has to do and she does it! She's awesome, no question about it. So Mulan definitely deserves the number one place on my countdown of my favourite Disney women!

So there was my countdown, and I know I left out some awesome gals, but no can do, I only had 10 places :D Oh, and before anyone goes "Where's Rapunzel?!! DDD:" on me, I have not seen Tangled yet (Finnish premiere was today) but I will most likely go see it this weekend, I'll tell you if she'll make it to my list after I see it :D So yeah, hope you liked the countdown and I would be most interested in hearing what you think about the listing! So comment ahead, lovelies! ♥

With love and childhood memories,
Sally

Bubble girl

2011-02-08T22:04:00.002+02:00

Now playing: Coldplay - Don't Panic

I sometimes wonder if there's something socially very wrong with me. I dunno, probably not, but that's how it somehow feels. It's not that I don't want to be with people and it's not that I don't like the people I know. And I sure hope it's not that they don't want to be with me or that they dislike me, either. But no matter what group or who the people are, I can't find the surface to attach myself to. There is no open seat for me, there is no sign saying "Sally belongs here". There is no group that includes Sally. There is Group X + Sally, but I'm not really a part of any of those groups. I'm a guest star that pops in for an episode or two, and then returns to her own group ...which in my case doesn't exist. And I know I'm not unique in this, there are probably many people who feel the same amongst school friends, for example. That they're fun to hang out with but no special connection. But where's my special connection? And it's not just school that I'm talking about. Out of all the groups of people I have come to be in contact with during the last couple of years, I haven't felt really attached to a single one. Or if I have, the group has made clear that my place is not there. The only group I might say I belong to at the moment is my family, but I realize I don't really spend much time with them either. 90% of the time we're all home together I spend upstairs on computer. Not very social. And I don't really even know what I do here, since I don't have that many friends on computer either. But I guess it's better than nothing. It's better than sitting on my bed alone, staring at the ceiling.

we♥it

In a way, I am a bubble girl. In the middle of the crowd there's a girl; close to everyone, but always inside a bubble. It's her own bubble and she likes it there. It's warm and cosy in her bubble, and inside there she is always free and fine. But through the bubble she can't touch other people. She can't take a hold of her friends and say "Don't leave me out, I'm right here" The bubble also distorts their words. The bubble translates their words to a foreign language and she can't understand what they're saying. And the bubble twists her words around so that they can't recognize them. And the bubble mutes her words too, so that sometimes they can't even hear it. The bubble makes everything on the outside look pink and sparkly, and it reflects light so that only few rays of light get inside. And who knows, maybe the others just see a shining, shimmering bubble with a solitary girl inside. Maybe they think that's how she wants it to be. I sometimes wonder if my wordless precence comes off as arrogance, but that can't be; my attempts to belong are too obvious not to be noticed and recognized. The bubble forms a barrier between the girl and everyone else. They can see each other through it, but something just doesn't work with the bubble in between. But it's not like she wants the bubble to burst either. It's nice inside and it's her safe place. If she can't have her bubble, she'd be exposed for all to see and judge and mock. And maybe that's why she retreats to inside it. There are few people who have found their way inside the bubble, but those people are getting very rare nowadays. But though the bubble causes miscommunications, she is not unhappy inside it. She's not banging the walls to get out of there, she's just sitting inside and trying so hard to make the people outside hear her. Sometimes she succeeds, sometimes she does not. The bubble makes her lonely, but it keeps her safe.

we♥it

There's also another bubble girl in me. She's the kind of bubble girl who sits in the middle of the crowd, blowing soap bubbles and enjoying herself. And though no one else looks at her, she is perfectly content with the way things are. There are no barriers between her and the world, but she likes her solitude. She doesn't want people to interfere with her and her bubbles. Because anything that's not bubbles is uninteresting. I like that bubble girl. She's not begging for attention, she's not trying to please. She's chosen the bubbles, and chosen her solitude, and she doesn't go "attention seeking puppy" on the people around her. She doesn't need people who don't need her. There are moments when this bubble girl takes over. I'm not a 24/7 attention seeker, nor do I beg for acceptance from people who are not even trying to understand me. Sometimes my train flies forward on completely different rails than everyone else's. So our trains never meet, but at least they won't crash either. But in the end, bubbles are not people. You can't hug bubbles, you can't cuddle with bubbles, you can't talk with bubbles. In the end bubble girl will always have to crawl back to someone, so that she wouldn't feel so alone. At those times bubble girl feels sad, but at least she's not alone.

But then one day bubble girl found another bubble person. Someone whose bubble might've been even thicker than her own. Bubble girl knew she wanted to get through their bubbles just to be with that one, and her own bubble melt from sheer happiness. Because she had found another one like her. Maybe there's hope for bubble girls after all...

♥

Making up myself

2011-02-04T13:26:00.000+02:00

Now playing: Kate Nash - Merry Happy

Hello and welcome to a post with little point or purpose! So, it's exam week, which means that though I technically should be busy with studying, I - in fact - have a lot more free time than usually. I go to school in the morning, do the exam, come home. I'm usually home at midday or so, which means what? Lots of natural fucking light in my room! Which means... MAKEUP TIME! ♥ Yeah! I've been so bummed about me never getting home before dark, because that means I have no natural light in the house -> pictures don't come out good. My camera hates the lights in my room, so only way to get good photos is to be home before dark - which in winter I never ever am. But now it's exam week and what's a better activity for exam week than makeup experiments!

Okay, here goes! I started doing these on wednesday and this was the look of the day:

Aaand moving on to thursday. Yesterday after school I went to buy a lovely shimmering bodypaint palette from Grimas and did the day's makeup with that!

And then todaaaay! :D

There goes! That's my three days of makeup experimenting! No wonder my exams went poorly... *cough* Expect to see more after the weekend! :D These are some of my first proper makeup experiments, so don't be too hard on me ^^;

And speaking of makeup, have a look at Jeongie's 300+ followers giveaway!

Cheers,

Sally ♥

Treasures part III: Jewellery

2011-01-29T15:16:00.002+02:00

Now playing: Unwoman - The City

Hello lovelies! Time to get back to the series of Treasures! So time to introduce some important objects of mine again! This time I'll show you few of my favourite jewellery! Now you already saw my favourite necklaces in the first Treasures -entry, so I won't showcase them again, so let's move on to some other necklaces and thingies!

First of all my absolute favourites of the moment! A cameo brooch, a violin necklace and four little hairpins my friend made and gave me as a christmas present! Seriously: best present EVER! And to make it even better, thet were all inside a little cupcake-shaped box-thingy! *__* I especially adore the violin necklace and the cameo brooch, they are amazing! These little accesories combine pretty much everything I love. :D Cameos, stripes, violins, keys, bows, etc. Brilliant! These are not for everyday use, so I haven't had much chances to wear them, except the hairpins. But I will definitely wear them to some photoshoots in the future! So keep your eyes open!

My second favourite thing at the moment is this hairpiece I bought from Sanna Von Steam at Ofelia Market in December. I don't think I ever showed you this before, so here it is in all it's glory! Again, the theme of cameos and stripes continues! I am so in love with those skeleton woman cameos! I had really hard time choosing which hairpiece or piece of jewellery I wanted to buy from Sanna Von Steam, because they're all gorgeous, but I finally ended up buying this one and haven't regretted. This is such a massive hairpiece that I haven't yet found an occasion for wearing it, but that time will surely come one day!

Detail of the cameo in the hairpiece.

Then a necklace that has more than just the superficial "ooh, it's so purdy" -meaning to me. This is the necklace I got from Prometheus -camp. It's a bit hard to explain, because I think we only have those kinds of camps in Finland and Sweden, but I'll try to explain the idea somehow. Well, first of all, most of christian teenagers go these church camps - confirmation camps, as they are called. There people teach the kids about the bible, religion, ethics, etc. And as I am still theoretically a christian, I went to that camp when I was 14. Well, it was quite a disappointment. Everyone was bitchy and didn't wanna be there, and the whole experience was a real let-down. Well, after that I started thinking where I could go to get a good and genuine camp experience, that the confirmation camp should've been. That's when I stumbled upon Prometheus camp. The idea behind Prometheus camps is to provide youth that doesn't belong to church a chance to go to a similar camp as the "religious" teens. So they arrange these camps for youngsters the same age. The idea is the same, but these camps are religiously, politically, etc. completely neutral, and the focus is on much more than just religion. Subject matters discussed there are for example being different, alcohol and drugs and such, religion, politics and society, and so on. So all that stuff teens think about anyway. And the camp was just brilliant. It was a life-changing experience for me, and a huge turning point. It was great to be around people who understood me, and with who I could talk about all the stuff important to me. It was amazing. And when the camp ended, everyone got these necklaces. That's the logo odf the Prometheus -foundation on them. I used to wear this 24/7, but then the string (or whatever that is) broke and I took it off and half lost it. But now I found it and fixed it and it's back on my neck! Yay!

Seeing this some of you might go "What? Spoon?!", but yes, that is, in fsct, another necklace of mine. A spoonlace, to be more exact. Inspired - of course - by the amazing Emilie Autumn a year and a half-ish ago I bought myself a teaspoon and started wearing it as a necklace. It's a bit inconvinient from time to time, but soo pretty. I have now unfortunately lost the lace for it, so I can't wear it until I get a new lace... Damn.

Okay, this is the last one this time. That, my friends, is a rock. I made this necklace myself ...5-ish years ago when we were at this camp school thingy. We all got to make our own necklaces from this stone thingy (dunno what it was exactly) and I made this. It's very simple, and oval shaped black lump of stone, slightly deformed and a bit heavy. I especially love the little "error" in the colour; that green-ish stripe that crosses the lower part of it. It's the little imperfections that make it perfect! I sometimes wear this necklace as a good luck-charm, so you might spot it on my neck during exam weeks for example. I believe that the stone gathers energy and helps me focus and calm down. It's my magickal stone and I love it. Hope it helps me do well in the upcoming exams too... Though maybe studying might help too.

So with that I am off to do something productive and - gasp! - maybe study a bit! Bye for now lovelies!

Love,
Sally

In Which: I am inspired by something on a toilet wall

2011-01-28T20:20:00.001+02:00

Now playing: Unwoman - A Valentine (lyrics by Lewis Carroll)

Hello my dearest darling readers! I'm terribly sorry for my absence in the blogworld, I am once again suffering from a tremendous writer's block. Oh well.

In case the title didn't scare you off already, I warn you now: The following entry was inspired by something that was written on the infamous walls of our school's toilets. I have reached a whole new low. And in case you're wondering, they're infamous because you will never ever come across toilets with more weird stuff on the walls. First of all, the original painting of the toilets is pretty unique in itself, Mutts comics, random colourful figures, tigers in jungle etc. And to add to that, they're completely covered in scribblings, writings, drawings and everything in between. (Which makes visits to the toilet rather entertaining but can also get annoying when the new firstyears spend half an hour in the toilet 'cause they read all the stuff on the walls, and outside there are 20 people waiting in line and wanting to go to pee...) Most of the stuff has to do with something pervy, so I will not go to more detail, but this one quote on the wall - a variation of the famous Benjamin Franklin quote (charmingly misspelled, of course) - caught my eye. The quote went as follows: If you're ready to sacrifice freedom for safety, you deserve neither. In all it's lovely clichéd-ness, the quote really got me thinking.

I'm going through a lot of insecurity about my future. Where I'll go to live after school, what will I study, will I take a gap year, will I abandon education and try my skills at performing arts? So much insecurity. At the moment only one thing seems plain as day: I want to be with my love. It's just not very simple and making that happen will probably require some sacrifices from both of us. True, I'm afraid of the idea of going to live, study or work abroad, away from my family and home, but I'm also afraid of clinging to the security of this house, this town, this country to the point of never being able to let go and chase my dreams. If I really want to do the things I want to do - burlesque, circus and music - I will not be able to stay in Finland forever. But I keep hearing the warning words of parents, teachers and student councellors; "Dreams won't provide you with a living... Go get yourself a proper education... You can do what you want when you're older... Get a real job... But those are just hobbies, right..." I've never liked that kind of talk. If I want to move abroad to achieve my dreams, why shouldn't I do it? If I want to make a living as a performer, why prevent me? I don't want to be safe on freedom's expense.

My future house ♥

This thought comes very concrete when I think about a specific dream/plan I have. In summer 2012, when I finish upper secondary, I wish to go gypsy-travelling around Europe with my love. It's something very exciting, as well as a little scary. It was a big deal for me to go to Sweden by myself, how am I going to manage myself in other countries? But the adventure is part of the fun. And I suppose there's no better way to get some courage and survival skills than by going to travel around Europe almost by yourself :D But in all reality, it's something I really wanna do. To go around Europe, visiting all cities I have never visited before, with just my circus stuff and some clothes with me (and some money too, hopefully, though my saving isn't going that well... XD), performing in the sunny street corners. It would also be a great way to get to meet some of my awesome friends who live abroad (*cough*freelodging*cough*). And the thing is, if I ever want to get to perform, I might as well start from the street corner. The audience on the streets is the best one can get. First hand feedback! And coins. Coins are good.

When I let my thoughts reel to that perfect future of mine; being a renowned performer, roaming the world with my love, I think "Sod education and 'proper' jobs. This is what I want to do with my life!" Now all I need is the courage to make it happen...